The Opposite

“You got a raise?” “I don’t fool around, baby!” – Jerry and Elaine, in “The Opposite”

“Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… It’s often wrong.” – George, in “The Opposite”

“Bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don’t approach strange women.” – George, in “The Opposite”

“If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.” – Jerry, to George, in “The Opposite”

“I’m starting the book tour! First stop – Regis and Kathie Lee!” “You’re going on Regis and Kathie Lee?” “Oh, you better believe it.” “I’ll loan you my puffy shirt.” – Kramer and Jerry, in “The Opposite”

“You know who you are? Even Steven.” – Kramer, to Jerry, in “The Opposite”

“Who are you, George Costanza?” “I’m the opposite of every guy you’ve ever met.” – Victoria and George, in “The Opposite”

“This guy could be a little bonkos.” – Regis Philbin, introducing Kramer, in “The Opposite”

“A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it’s all happening because I’m completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgement I’ve ever had. This is no longer just some crazy notion, Elaine, Jerry. This is my religion.” “So I guess your messiah would be the Anti-Christ.” – George and Jerry, in “The Opposite”

“Get yourself some vitamin C with rose hips and bioflavenoids.” – Kramer, offering medical advice, in “The Opposite”

“Elaine, don’t get too down. Everything will even out. See, I have two friends. You were up, he was down. Now he’s up, you’re down. You see how it all evens out for me?” – Jerry, in “The Opposite”