Seinfeld

This section of the blog is dedicated to hilarious lines from the classic TV show starring Jerry Seinfeld.

“Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year’s gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it’s not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.” – Jerry, trying not to be funny, in “The Visa”

Well, look at that. A talking Nixon.”– Kramer, seeing George’s Phil Rizzuto key chain, in “The Pothole”

I’d rather be dating the blind. You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn’t even know you’re not good enough for her.“I think she’d figure it out.”– George and Elaine, in “The Wink”

What was that look?What look?”“The look you just gave me.”“I gave a look?”“Yes.”“What kind of look?”“I know that look.”“Then what was it?”“Why should I tell you?”“Well, you’re the big look expert. I wanna see how smart you are.”“Trust me, I know the look.”– Elaine and Jerry, in “The Deal”

The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it’s just masturbation.– George, in “The Ticket”

Look, do I have to break up with her in person? Can’t I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things.You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, right off!”– George and Jerry, in “The Ex-Girlfriend”

All bald people look good in hats.”You should have lived in the twenties and thirties, you know men wore hats all the time then.”“What a bald paradise that must have been. Nobody knew.”– George and Elaine, in “The Parking Spot”

Who are you gonna eat to survive?Kramer.”So fast? What about me?”“No.”“Kramer’s so stringy. I’m plump, juicy.”“Kramer’s got more muscle, higher protein content. It’s better for you.”“Well, I would eat you.”“That’s very nice, I guess.”“I still don’t see why you wouldn’t eat me. I’m your best friend.”“Look, if other people are having some, I’ll try you.”“Thank you.”– George and Jerry, in “The Abstinence”

Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.”– Jerry, in “The Heart Attack”

Someday, before I die, mark my words… I’m gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I’ll never be able to forgive myself until I do.And if you do?I still won’t be able to forgive myself, but at least it won’t be about this.”– George and Jerry, in “The Baby Shower”