Seinfeld Quotes...


"I'm not married. I'm not allowed to go out with somebody else?"
"It depends."
"Depends on what?"
"On many factors."
"Like what?"
"Well, how long you've been seeing her. What's your phone call frequency? Are you on a daily?"
"No. Semi-daily. Four or five times a week."
"What about Saturday nights? Do you have to ask her out, or is a date implied?"
"She got anything in your medicine cabinet?"
"Might be some moisturizer."
"Let me ask you this... Is there any Tampax in your house?"
"Well, I'll tell you what you got here. You've got yourself a girlfriend."
"Do you believe my luck? The first time in my life I have a good answer to the question 'What do you do?' and I have a girlfriend. I mean, you don't need a girlfriend when you can answer that question. That's what you say in order to get girlfriends. Once you can get girlfriends, you don't want a girlfriend, you just want more girlfriends."
- George and Jerry, in "The Virgin"
"She's got a big crush on David Letterman, I mean a big crush. She talks about him all the time. Suppose I go up to David Letterman. He works at NBC, I work at NBC. I explain my situation. He agrees to meet her. They go out. They fall madly in love. And she dumps me for David Letterman!"
"This is your plan?"
"No, no, I'm just thinking."
"I don't think you are."
- George and Jerry, in "The Virgin"
"Are you very fussy about your pants?"
"I don't think I am."
- Marla and Jerry, in "The Virgin"
"Why don't you go out. It's nice out."
"Oh no, there's nothing out there for me."
"There's weather."
"Weather. I don't need weather. Weather doesn't do it for me."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Virgin"
"What? Was it something I said?"
"She's a virgin. She just told me."
"I didn't know."
"Well, it's not like spotting a toupee."
- Elaine and Jerry, about Marla, in "The Virgin"
"They always remember the first time."
"I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten."
- Jerry and George, in "The Virgin"
"I don't want a big flat noodle."
- Kramer, ordering Chinese food, in "The Virgin"
"This whole sex thing is totally overrated. Now, the one thing you gotta be ready for is how the man changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's over. I mean, something happens to their personality. It's really quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want to flee the scene before the police get there."
"So they just leave?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Well, the smart ones start working on their getaway stories during dinner. How, you know, they gotta get up early tomorrow. It's always about being up early. They all turn into farmers suddenly."
- Elaine and Marla, in "The Virgin"
"Yes, I was very wise to hitch my wagon to his star."
- Jerry, about George, in "The Virgin"
"Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in!"
- George, in "The Virgin"
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