Seinfeld Quotes...


"Next time let's play ping-pong. It's easier to jump over the net."
- Jerry, after a game of tennis, in "The Switch"
"The jokes kept bouncing off her like Superman."
- Jerry, about his new girlfriend, a non-laugher, in "The Switch"
"Well, I heard a noise."
"What noise?"
"You know, 'Bleeaahhh'."
"What 'Bleeaahhh'?"
"From the bathroom..."
"Oh, you think she was refunding?"
"Every time we go out to eat, the minute we're done she's running for the bathroom."
"So you're concerned?"
"Elaine, of course I'm concerned. I'm paying for those meals. It's like throwing money down the toilet."
- George, Jerry and Elaine, in "The Switch"
- Babs Kramer, revealing her son's first name, in "The Switch"
"All my life I've been running away from that name. That's why I wouldn't tell anybody. But I've been thinking about it. All this time I'm trying not to be me. I'm afraid to face who I was. But I'm Cosmo, Jerry, I'm Cosmo Kramer, and that's who I'm going to be. From now on, I'm Cosmo!"
- Kramer, in "The Switch"
"Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the roommate switch. In the middle ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it."
"They didn't have roommates in the middle ages."
"How do you know?"
"Well, for one thing, they didn't have apartments."
"Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200 somewhere there were two women living together."
- George and Jerry, in "The Switch"
"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
- George, in "The Switch"
"I'm not an orgy guy."
- Jerry, in "The Switch"
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