Seinfeld Quotes...


"If you named a kid Rasputin, do you think that would have a negative effect on his life?"
- Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"I wonder what Gandhi ate before his fasts?"
"I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits. Oh yeah, Gandhi loved Triscuits."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"What kind of a man are you?"
"I'm a man who respects a good coma."
- Gina and Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"I don't get that whole suicide machine. There's no tall buildings where these people live? They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?"
- Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"The guy is unconscious in a coma and you don't have the guts to kiss his girlfriend?"
"I didn't know what the coma etiquette was."
"There is no coma etiquette. See, that's the beauty of the coma, man. It doesn't matter what you do around it."
"So you're saying his girl, his car, his clothes, it's all up for grabs. You can just loot the coma victim."
"I give them twenty-four hours to get out of it. If they can't get out of it by twenty-four hours, it's a land rush."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"A plane crash? A heart attack? Lupus? Is it lupus?"
- George, after a psychic's vague warning, in "The Suicide"
"You can say what you want about me, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here while you insult my toothbrush."
- Jerry, to Gina, in "The Suicide"
"You are still afraid? You are not a man."
"Well, then what are all those ties and sports jackets doing in my closet?"
- Gina and Jerry, in "The Suicide"
"The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing."
- Kramer, in "The Suicide"
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