Seinfeld Quotes...


"Again with the sweatpants?"
"What? I'm comfortable."
"You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
- Jerry and George, in "The Pilot"
"God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'll never let me be happy."
"I thought you didn't believe in God?"
"I do for the bad things."
- George and his therapist, in "The Pilot"
"It's like a bald convention out there."
- Melissa, commenting on all the actors auditioning for the role of George, in "The Pilot"
"Did he just steal the raisins?"
- George, about TV Kramer, in "The Pilot"
"I want to be the one person who doesn't die with dignity."
- George, in "The Pilot"
"It was an emergency, Jerry. I was really percolating."
- Kramer, after trying to find a bathroom, in "The Pilot"
"Now I've got a big problem, buddy."
"What is it?"
"Well, I, uh, I waited so long, I missed my chance."
"You didn't go?"
"No, and now I can't get it back."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Pilot"
"What is she like? Tell me about her."
"Well, she's fascinated with Greenland. She enjoys teasing animals, banlon, and seeing people running for their lives. She loves throwing garbage out the window, yet she's extremely dainty."
- TV Elaine and Jerry, on the real Elaine, in "The Pilot"
"So if you've got any other problems, whether it's raisins, prunes, figs, or any other dry fruit, just keep it to yourself and stay out of my way, okay?"
- TV Kramer, to George, in "The Pilot"
"It may be time to consider the dreaded apparatus."
- Jerry, to Kramer, in "The Pilot"
"Listen, I know we've had our problems in the past, but we've got a show to do tonight. Pull together as a team. Life's too short. I say let's let bygones be bygones. If you took the raisins, if you didn't take the raisins. They weren't even my raisins. I was just curious because it seems like a strange thing to do, to walk into a room, audition, and walk out with a box of raisins. Anyway, whatever. If you ever want to tell me about it, the door to my office is always open. In the event that I get an office. You'll come in, we'll talk about the raisins, have a nice laugh."
"How'd you like it if I just pulled your heart out of your chest right now and shoved it down your throat?"
- George and TV Kramer, in "The Pilot"
"You went for the big E, huh?"
"Wet and wild!"
- Jerry and Kramer, after he used the dreaded apparatus, in "The Pilot"
"How could anyone not like him?"
- Jerry's mom, about Jerry, in "The Pilot"
"I like his style. He has a sort of casual elegance."
"But he picks his nose."
- Calvin Klein and Tia, about Jerry, in "The Pilot"


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