"Oh,
what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me,
when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act
with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I
don't like?"
"Well,
you've only got another fifty years or so to go before
it'll all be over..."
- George
and Jerry, discussing women, in "The Old Man"
"There's
gotta be more to life than this. What gives you pleasure?
"Listening
to you. I listen to this for fifteen minutes and I'm on
top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure."
- George
and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"What
kind of a person are you?"
"I think
I'm pretty much like you -- only successful."
- George
and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"The
alternative media, Jerry. That's where you hear the
truth."
- Kramer,
in "The Old Man"
"Let me
ask you something. What do you do for a living,
Newman?"
"I'm a
United States postal worker."
"Aren't
those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a
gun and shoot everybody?"
"Sometimes..."
"Why is
that?"
"Because
the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and
coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every
day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get
it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps
coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's
Publisher's Clearing House day!"
- George,
Newman and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"Oh
listen, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper?
HAA!"
- Sid
Fields, who doesn't appreciate Jerry's attempts to be
friendly, in "The Old Man"
"What
are you talking about? How can you sit there and look me
in the eye and tell me that you're not worried?! Don't
you have any sense?!! Don't you have a brain!? Are you so
completely senile that you don't know what you're talking
about anymore!? Wait a second, where are you going?"
"Life's
too short to waste on you."
- George
and Ben, who, at 85 years-old isn't as worried about
dying as George
seems to
be, in "The Old Man"
"Yeah,
I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do
well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was
a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised
to give up."
- George,
in "The Old Man"
"I would
like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your
body.
- George,
testing the housekeeper's inability to understand
English, in "The Old Man"
