Seinfeld Quotes...


"Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like?"
"Well, you've only got another fifty years or so to go before it'll all be over..."
- George and Jerry, discussing women, in "The Old Man"
"There's gotta be more to life than this. What gives you pleasure?
"Listening to you. I listen to this for fifteen minutes and I'm on top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure."
- George and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"What kind of a person are you?"
"I think I'm pretty much like you -- only successful."
- George and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"The alternative media, Jerry. That's where you hear the truth."
- Kramer, in "The Old Man"
"Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?"
"I'm a United States postal worker."
"Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?"
"Why is that?"
"Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day!"
- George, Newman and Jerry, in "The Old Man"
"Oh listen, before you go, would you mind changing my diaper? HAA!"
- Sid Fields, who doesn't appreciate Jerry's attempts to be friendly, in "The Old Man"
"What are you talking about? How can you sit there and look me in the eye and tell me that you're not worried?! Don't you have any sense?!! Don't you have a brain!? Are you so completely senile that you don't know what you're talking about anymore!? Wait a second, where are you going?"
"Life's too short to waste on you."
- George and Ben, who, at 85 years-old isn't as worried about dying as George
seems to be, in "The Old Man"
"Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up."
- George, in "The Old Man"
"I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.
- George, testing the housekeeper's inability to understand English, in "The Old Man"


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