Seinfeld Quotes...


"The Dewey Decimal System... What a scam that was!"
- Kramer, in "The Library"
"She needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer."
- Kramer, in "The Library"
"The library investigator's name is actually Bookman?"
"It's true."
"That's amazing. That's like an ice cream man named Cone."
- Kramer and the Librarian, in "The Library"
"I never figured you for a squealer."
"Oh, he sang like a canary."
- Kramer and Jerry, to George, in "The Library"
"I don't understand lunch. I don't know anything about lunch."
- George, in "The Library"
"Instead of saying 'Costanza', he'd say 'Cantstandya, Cantstandya'."
- George, remembering his high school gym coach, in "The Library"
"Why do they call it a wedgie?"
"Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until... it wedges in."
"They also have an Atomic Wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare."
"Boys are sick."
"What do girls do?"
"We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."
- Elaine, George and Jerry, in "The Library"
"I don't judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"
"Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"
"Columbus? Euro-trash."
- Jerry, in "The Library"
"You'd better not screw up again, Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pitbull on a poodle."
- Lt. Bookman, in "The Library"
Back to the Index