Seinfeld Quotes...


"I usually last about ten minutes on the stairmaster. Unless, of course, there's someone stretching in front of me in a leotard, then I can go an hour. That's why they call it the stairmaster. You get up there and you stare."
- Jerry, in "The Implant"
"Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs."
- Jerry, in "The Implant"
"Every time he tries to make a move, something screws up. Like on their first date, they were on the couch, but she was sitting on his wrong side."
"Wrong side?"
"Yes, she was on his right side. He can't make a move with his left hand. Can't go left."
"He can't go left?"
"No. I'm leftie, can't go right. What about women? Do they go left or right?"
"No, we just play defense."
- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Implant"
"In the whole world right now there's maybe three emergencies. Why would you think on this entire planet that you're one of those three?"
- George, in "The Implant"
"You don't touch the nose. You don't aspire to reach the nose. You don't unhook anything to get to a nose. And no man has ever tried to look up a woman's nostril."
- Jerry, in "The Implant"
"Sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool."
- Elaine, to Jerry, in "The Implant"
"It's like a sauna in here."
- Kramer, sitting in a sauna, in "The Implant"
"This confers upon you instant boyfriend status."
- Jerry, to George, in "The Implant"
"Did you just double-dip that chip?"
"Excuse me?"
"You double-dipped the chip."
"Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"
"You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."
"That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip. Look, from now on when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it."
"Well, I'm sorry Timmy, but I don't dip that way."
"Oh, you don't, huh?"
"No. You dip the way you want to dip, I'll dip the way I want to dip."
- Timmy and George, in "The Implant"
"And by the way, they're real and they're spectacular."
- Sidra, to Jerry, in "The Implant"


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