Seinfeld Quotes...


"Why do I always have the feeling everybody's doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?"
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"
"Fish... What do they do?"
"What do *you* do?"
- George and Elaine, in "The Parking Garage"
"I'm trying to live my life!"
- George, in "The Parking Garage"
"You get within fifteen feet of that woman, she'd have her finger on the mace button."
- Jerry, to George, in "The Parking Garage"
"We're like rats in some experiment."
- George, in "The Parking Garage"
"There's too much urinary freedom in this society. I'm proud to hold it in. It builds character."
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"
"If I am not in front of my building at 6:15 when my parents get there, they are going to put me on an aggravation installment plan that will compound with interest for decades."
- George, in "The Parking Garage"
"I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum."
- George, in "The Parking Garage"
"We're not skinheads."
- Elaine, trying to convince a man to drive her around the garage, in "The Parking Garage"
"It's amazing how shopping makes me have to go. How does my bladder know I'm in a department store?"
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"
"You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place."
- Jerry, in "The Parking Garage"
"What's the difference? We'll all be dead eventually."
"Does that bother you?"
"Yeah, it bothers me. Doesn't it bother you?"
"Not at all."
"You see, now that bothers me even more than dying bothers me, because it's people like you who live to be 120 because you're not bothered by it. How can it not bother you?"
"Well, I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill. Everyone of them believed that the secret of life is just to live every moment."
"Yeah, I've heard that. Meanwhile, I'm here with you in a parking garage in Jersey."
- George and Kramer, in "The Parking Garage"
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