Seinfeld Quotes...


"Elaine, you always care who an ex-girlfriend dates. You don't want it to be someone you know, and you don't want it to be someone better than you. Now, even though the latter's obviously impossible, the former still applies."
- Jerry, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"All those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big muscular arms on machines and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turn-off that is."
- Elaine, being sarcastic to Jerry, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"I think we really need to be in front of the television set. You take TV out of this relationship, it is just torture."
- George, to his mother Estelle, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"I'm out there, George."
"You're not out there."
"I am too."
"You're not out there. You can't be because I am out there. And if I see you out there there's not enough voltage in this world to electro-shock me back into coherence."
- George and Estelle, who is dating again, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"We were in the garage. You know how garages are. They're conducive to sex talk. It's a high testosterone area."
- Jerry, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"Give me a moan, something. I'd settle for a belch, for God's sake."
- George, about pleasuring his girlfriend, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"It's Fusilli Jerry! It's made from fusilli pasta. See the microphone?"
"When did you do this?"
"In my spare time. You know, I'm working on one of you George. I'm using ravioli. See, the hard part is to find a pasta that captures the individual."
"Why fusilli?"
"Because you're silly. Get it?"
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!"
- Kramer, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way... 'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.' "
- Kramer, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
"You know what a good mechanic is worth? You can't compare that to sex."
- Jerry, in "The Fusilli Jerry"


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