Seinfeld Quotes...


"Look, do I have to break up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."
"You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, right off!"
- George and Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob."
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"I only eat cantaloupe at certain times."
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in."
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"It's like I was making a prison break, you know. And I'm heading for the wall, and I trip and I twist my ankle, and they throw the light on you, you know. So, somehow I get through the crying and I keep running. Then the cursing started. She's firing at me from the guard tower: 'Son of a bang! Son of a boom!' I get to the top of the wall, the front door. I opened it up, I'm one foot away. I took one last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped!"
- George, describing his break-up to Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?"
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"I hate the little room."
- George, at the doctor's office, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says."
"Oh, no, no, no. I pay what I say."
- Jerry and George, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"The apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time."
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"I think I swallowed a fly! I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?"
- George, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"
"I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night."
"Tuesday night? What happened Tuesday night?"
"I saw your act."
"My act? What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, to be honest, it just didn't make it for me. It's just so much fluff."
"I can't believe this. So what are you saying? You didn't like my act, so that's it?"
"I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
"You're a cashier!"
"Look, Jerry, it's just not my kind of humor."
"You can't go by the audience that night. It was late. They were terrible."
"I heard the material."
"I have other stuff. You should come see me on the weekend."
- Marlene and Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"


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