Seinfeld Quotes...


"I got a feeling I'm going to be much smarter than you pretty soon."
- George, to Jerry, in "The Couch"
"What do you think Lainey?"
"Well, I don't know. I'll have to sit on it."
"Oh no. I don't want anyone sitting on it."
- Jerry and Elaine, admiring his new sofa, in "The Couch"
"If it's not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate."
"You're not very bright, are you?"
"No I'm not. I would like to be, but I'm not."
- George and Jerry, in "The Couch"
"What is his stand on abortion?"
"Well, I'm sure he's pro-choice."
"How do you know?"
"Because he, well, he's just so good-looking."
- Jerry and Elaine, discussing her new boyfriend, in "The Couch"
"My new sofa! Poppie peed on my new sofa!"
"I'm sure it'll come out."
"I don't care if it comes out. I can't sit on that anymore."
"Oh, you're making too much of it."
"Yeah, you're right. It's just a natural human function. It happens to be on my sofa instead of in the toilet where it would normally be."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Couch"
"You know what I love? How there's two nuts named after people: Hazel and Filbert."
- George, in "The Couch"


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