Seinfeld Quotes...


"Health cookies? I hate those little dustboard fructose things."
- Elaine, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"I just can't believe the way people are. What is it with humanity? What kind of a world do we live in?"
- George, waiting to use the phone, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"You ever notice how happy people are when they finally get a table? They feel so special because they've been chosen. It's enough to make you sick."
- Elaine, getting very hungry, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"If anything happens here can I count on you?"
"If we decide to go at it."
"Yeah, I want to get into a rumble."
- George, still waiting for the phone, and Jerry, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"It's not fair that people are seated first-come, first-serve. It should be based on who's hungriest. I feel like just walking over there and taking some food off somebody's plate.
"I'll tell you what, there's fifty bucks in it for you if you do it."
"What do you mean?"
"You walk over to that table, you pick up an eggroll, you don't say anything. You eat it, say thank you very much, wipe your mouth, walk away, I give you fifty bucks."
"What are they gonna do?"
"They won't do anything. In fact, you'll be giving them a story to tell for the rest of their lives."
"Fifty bucks? You'll give me fifty bucks?"
"Fifty bucks. That table over there. The three couples."
"Okay, I don't want to go over there and do it and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn't put mustard on it."
"No, no tricks."
"Should I do it George?"
"For fifty bucks? I'd put my face in their soup and blow!"
"Alright, alright. Here, hold this. I'm doin' it."
- Elaine, Jerry and George, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"We're living in a society!!"
- George, still waiting for the phone, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry, I just saw the Bat Signal."
- George, telling how he left a woman's bed, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"Remember when you first went out to eat with your parents? Remember, it was such a treat. You go and they serve you this different food that you never saw before. They put it in front of you and it was such a delicious and exciting adventure... and now I just feel like a big sweaty hog waiting for them to fill up the trough."
- Elaine, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"Where am I? Is this a dream? What in God's name is going on here?"
- Elaine, who just wants to sit and eat, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"This is bad, you don't know. The chain reaction of calls this is going to set off. New York, Long Island, Florida... It's like the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately, nobody ever disappears."
- Jerry, worrying about offending his uncle, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"It's just a movie."
"Just a movie? You don't understand. This isn't Plans One through Eight from Outer Space. This is Plan Nine! This is the one that worked. The worst movie ever made."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"Let's just order it to go. We'll eat it in the cab."
"Eat it in the cab? Chinese food in a cab?"
"We'll eat it in the movie."
"Where do you think you're going? You think that they have big picnic tables there?"
"What do you suggest?"
"I say we leave now, we go to Skyburger and we scarf 'em down."
- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"Movie hot dogs? I'd rather lick the food off the floor."
- Elaine, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
"I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?"
- Jerry, in "The Chinese Restaurant"
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