Seinfeld Quotes...

"THE BRIS"

"And then the placenta comes flying out!"

- Jerry's friend, describing the birth of his son, in "The Bris"

 

"Maybe the baby would like to see the spot."

- George, showing off his perfect parking spot, in "The Bris"

 

"A pig-man! Half pig, half man!"

- Kramer, describing what he thought he saw in the hospital, in "The Bris"

 

"It had no face, no personality. It was like a martian."

- Elaine, describing an uncircumsized penis, in "The Bris"

 

"How about our little Elaine... Attending the finest finishing schools on the eastern seaboard, equestrian competitions, debutante balls... Look at her now - interviewing mohels."

- Jerry, in "The Bris"

 

"Don't ever question my instincts, because my instincts are honed."

- Kramer, in "The Bris"

 

"Hey, I'm telling you, the pig-man is alive. The government has been experimenting with pig-men since the 50's."

- Kramer, in "The Bris"

 

"They're probably creating a whole army of pig-warriors."

- Kramer, in "The Bris"

 

"I wish there were pig-men. You get a few of those pig-men walking around, suddenly I'm looking a lot better. That way if someone wanted to fix me up they could say, 'Hey, at least he's no pig-man.'"

- George, in "The Bris"

 

"Believe me, somewhere in this hospital the anguished oink of pig-man cries out for help."

- Kramer, in "The Bris"

 

"If I hear an anguished oink, I'm outta here."

- Jerry, in "The Bris"

 

"If the pig-man had a car, he'd give you a ride."

- Kramer, to George, in "The Bris"

 

"Relax. You'd think *you* were gettin' whacked."

- Elaine, to Jerry, in "The Bris"

 

"Hey, we're not talking about a manicure. Imagine, this is gonna be his first memory of his parents, just standing there while some stranger cuts off a piece of his manhood and then serves a catered lunch!"

- Kramer, in "The Bris"

 

"Cows don't have families. You make a mistake with a cow, you move on with your life."

- The mohel, in "The Bris"

 

"The mohel circumsized my finger!"

- Jerry, in "The Bris"

 

"I've never had stitches! I'll be deformed. I can't live with that. It goes against my whole personality. It's just not me!"

- Jerry, in "The Bris"

 

"Ah well, if it isn't Shakey the Mohel."

- Jerry, to the mohel, in "The Bris"

 

"And he's not a pig-man, is he?"

"No he's not. He's just a fat little mental patient."

- George and Kramer, in "The Bris"

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