"Women
like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a
forbidden city. People like me have not been inside in
thousands of years."
- George,
about beautiful women, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"You
know what they say, 'You don't sell the steak, you sell
the sizzle.'"
- Kramer,
in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"She had
man-hands!"
- Jerry,
in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"Would
you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
"Would
she have hooks?"
"Do
hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?"
"Kinda
cool looking."
- Elaine
and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"I don't
know if you've noticed, but lately I've been drifting
aimlessly."
"Now
that you mention it."
"But
I've finally realized what's missing in my life...
Structure!"
- Kramer
and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"She
wants me to dress smart-casual. What is that?"
"I don't
know, but you don't have it."
- George
and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"He's
reliable. He's considerate. He's like your exact
opposite."
"So he's
Bizarro Jerry."
"Bizarro
Jerry?"
"Yeah,
like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who
lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is
up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he
arrives."
"Shouldn't
he say badbye? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
"No,
it's still goodbye."
"Does he
live underwater?"
"No."
"Is he
black?"
"Look,
just forget the whole thing."
- Elaine
and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"I can't
spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking
apartment every ten minutes to pore over the excruciating
minutia of every single daily event."
- Elaine,
in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"What
did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"
"Kramer,
I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it
stinks."
"Well,
I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work
harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."
"No, no,
I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you
handed in, it's almost as if you have no business
training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to
be."
"Well,
I'm just trying to get ahead."
"I'm
sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."
