Seinfeld Quotes...


"Why would anybody want a friend?"
- Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city. People like me have not been inside in thousands of years."
- George, about beautiful women, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"You know what they say, 'You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.'"
- Kramer, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"She had man-hands!"
- Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
"Would she have hooks?"
"Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?"
"Kinda cool looking."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"I don't know if you've noticed, but lately I've been drifting aimlessly."
"Now that you mention it."
"But I've finally realized what's missing in my life... Structure!"
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"She wants me to dress smart-casual. What is that?"
"I don't know, but you don't have it."
- George and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"He's reliable. He's considerate. He's like your exact opposite."
"So he's Bizarro Jerry."
"Bizarro Jerry?"
"Yeah, like Bizarro Superman, Superman's exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down, down is up, he says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives."
"Shouldn't he say badbye? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?"
"No, it's still goodbye."
"Does he live underwater?"
"Is he black?"
"Look, just forget the whole thing."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every ten minutes to pore over the excruciating minutia of every single daily event."
- Elaine, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
"What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"
"Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
"Well, I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."
"No, no, I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be."
"Well, I'm just trying to get ahead."
"I'm sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."
"I don't even really work here."
"That's what makes this so difficult."
- Kramer and Mr. Leland, in "The Bizarro Jerry"
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