Seinfeld Quotes...

"THE BEARD"


"Have you ever been to the ballet?"
"No, but I've seen people on tiptoes."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Beard"
 
"I never realized what an attractive man he is. Oh, he's a real looker, that one."
- Kramer, talking about George, who is now wearing a toupee, in "The Beard"
 
"I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain."
- Elaine, disdainful of George's new toupee, in "The Beard"
 
"And we discover yet another talent... Posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals."
- Jerry, to Elaine, in "The Beard"
 
"Did you describe yourself to her over the phone?"
"Yes I did."
"What did you say?"
"What do you think I said?"
"I don't know."
"I told her the truth."
"As you see it?"
"Yes, as I see it."
"Did you tell her about your little hat there?"
"What hat?"
"You know, your little hair hat there."
- Jerry and George, in "The Beard"
 
"When someone is lying, is it true that their pants are actually on fire?"
- Jerry, in "The Beard"
 
"I feel like my old self again... Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic... It's a pleasure."
- George, after Elaine threw his toupee out the window, in "The Beard"
 
"You've had like a religious awakening. You're like a bald-again"
- Jerry, to George, in "The Beard"
 
"Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."
- George, in "The Beard"
 
"I have hit the jackpot. The perfect man -- nothing but sex and shopping."
- Elaine, in "The Beard"
 
"Being a woman, I only really have access to the equipment, what, 30-45 minutes a week, and that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment and have access to it 24 hours a day their entire lives?"
- Elaine, in "The Beard"
 
"Well, there's always a place for you on our team."
- Jerry, to Elaine, in "The Beard"
 
"I got rejected by a bald woman."
- George, in "The Beard"

 

 
 
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