Seinfeld Quotes...


"It's like you're living in the Playboy Mansion! Did she frolic?"
"I don't really have enough room."
- George and Jerry, in "The Apology"
"You went to the coffee shop without me? I told you I just wanted to hop in the shower."
"That was an hour ago. What were you doing in there?"
"Showering. How long's it take you?"
"Ten minutes."
"Ten minutes? That's kooky talk."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Apology"
"Well, here's my shower routine. Maybe I could make some changes. Wash cloth mittens and maybe some liquid soap, and just focus!"
- Kramer, in "The Apology"
"So she coughed."
"Coughing? Naked? It's a turn-off, man."
"Everything goes with naked."
"When you cough there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion."
"You spoiled spoiled man. You know how much mental energy I expend just trying to picture women naked?"
"But the thing you don't realize is that there's good naked and bad naked. Naked hair brushing - good. Naked crouching - bad."
- George and Jerry, in "The Apology"
"You're probably wasting time working piece-meal, first cleaning one area and then another."
"Well, that's how cats do it."
"But when you have a faucet instead of a tongue, you want to use gravity."
- Jerry and Kramer, in "The Apology"
"Alright George, alright. I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal size neckhole of my finely knit sweater."
- Henke, in "The Apology"
"Oh yeah yeah, I'm watching you too, but this guy's really showing me something."
- Kramer, observing men in a gym shower, in "The Apology"
"This is all in her mind, okay? She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah... She's a whacko."
- Elaine, in "The Apology"
"Instead of an apology, he was be-boppin' and scattin' all over me."
- George, about Henke, in "The Apology"
"I am not here for rage. I'm here for revenge."
- George, at a Rage-aholics meeting, in "The Apology"
"He took you to Rage-aholics? Why?"
"Probably because this whole universe is against me!"
"I think you've got a little rage."
"I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad!"
- Jerry and George, in "The Apology"
"What is wrong with my body?"
"Chicken wing shoulder blades."
- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Apology"
"The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep."
- Elaine, in "The Apology"
"This food was in the shower with you?"
"Mmm hmm... I prepared it as I bathed."
- Elaine and Kramer, in "The Apology"
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