Seinfeld Quotes...


"So, it's a two-bedroom one-bath make-your-friends-hate-ya?"
- Jerry, about George's new apartment, in "The Andrea Doria"
"They like to call it a set-up now. I guess the blind people don't like being associated with all those losers."
- Jerry, about Elaine's blind date, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Did you find out who stabbed him?"
"Yeah, it turns out it was his ex-girlfriend."
"Well, you're not going near this hooligan anymore."
"Well, I don't know. I mean, think about it, Jerry. There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion. I mean, to be stab-worthy. You know, it's kind of a compliment."
"Yeah, too bad he didn't get shot. He could have been the one."
- Jerry and Elaine, in "The Andrea Doria"
"No doctors for me. A bunch of lackeys and yes-men all towing the company line. Plus, they botched my vasectomy."
"They botched it?"
"I'm even more potent now!"
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Hawaii... The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to lick the stamps."
- Newman, in "The Andrea Doria"
"He's a bad breaker-upper."
"Bad how?"
"Well, you know when you break up, how you say things you don't mean? Well, he says the mean things you don't mean, but he means them."
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Ahoy, Mr. Eldridge. I understand you were on the Andrea Doria."
"Yes, it was a terrifying ordeal."
"I tell ya, I hear people really stuff themselves on those cruise ships. The buffet, that's the real ordeal, huh, Clarence?"
"We had to abandon ship."
"Well, all vacations have to end eventually."
"The boat sank."
"According to this, it took ten hours. It eased into the water like an old man into a nice warm bath, no offense."
- George and Mr. Eldridge, in "The Andrea Doria"
"You've got a big head. It's too big for your body."
- Alan, to Elaine, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Even if he did suffer, that was, like, forty years ago! What has he been doing lately? I've been suffering for the past thirty years up to and including yesterday!"
- George, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Newman is my sworn enemy. And he lives down the hall from my home. My home, Elaine! Where I sleep, where I come to play with my toys."
- Jerry, in "The Andrea Doria"
"Just crease, crumple, cram. You'll do fine."
- Newman, giving Jerry advice on mail delivery, in "The Andrea Doria"
"A bird ran into my giant freak-head."
"What giant freak-head?"
"The one that sits atop my disproportionately puny body. I'm a walking candy apple!"
- Elaine and Jerry, in "The Andrea Doria"


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