Seinfeld Quotes...


"Who are you gonna eat to survive?"
"So fast? What about me?"
"Kramer's so stringy. I'm plump, juicy."
"Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you."
"Well, I would eat you."
"That's very nice, I guess."
"I still don't see why you wouldn't eat me. I'm your best friend."
"Look, if other people are having some, I'll try you."
"Thank you."
- George and Jerry, in "The Abstinence"
"I can do six weeks standing on my head. I'm a sexual camel."
- George, who will have to abstain from sex, in "The Abstinence"
"I'm getting bumped? You're bumping me from career day?"
- Jerry, at his old junior high, in "The Abstinence"
"So you're enjoying the not enjoying."
- Jerry, to George, in "The Abstinence"
"What is with all these books?"
"I stopped having sex."
- Elaine and George, in "The Abstinence"
"Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. It's not complicated."
- George, to Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams, in "The Abstinence"
"To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid."
- Jerry, to Elaine, in "The Abstinence"
"My face is all craggly, it's crinkly!"
"It's from all that smoke. You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in seventy-two hours. What did you expect?"
"Emphysema, birth defects, cancer. But not this. Jerry, my face is my livelihood. Everything I have I owe to this face."
"And your teeth, your teeth are all brown."
"Look away, I'm hideous."
- Kramer and Jerry, in "The Abstinence"
"I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor."
- Ben, to Elaine, in "The Abstinence"
"This is the most public yet of my many humiliations."
- Jackie Chiles, in "The Abstinence"


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