Standards
Sometimes I feel like I have ridiculously high standards for my kids.
Well, actually, I only feel that way after talking to other parents, where the popular sentiment seems to be a hands-off, que sera sera approach.
And I can understand why they feel that way. For the most part, their kids are out of their control. They've been put into the hands of the public school system, where standards for learning and behavior are decidedly on the low side.
High standards would ultimately hurt someone's feelings, you know. And that just isn't very nice.
Because my kids are homeschooled, I can get away with telling them to always do their best. In everything they do.
My kids can never get away with not putting in their best effort, because I know them so well. That's what comes with investing so much of my time in them. Over the years, I've learned exactly what talents they have, and what they are capable of doing.
So, when they're being lazy, or holding back, I say something.
Because the worst thing I could let them do is grow accustomed to doing a half-assed job on school work, chores, sports, or hobbies. If they get away with that enough times, then that is where they will set the bar for themselves.
And I absolutely know that once the bar is set low, it'll be a long and painful undertaking to move it higher.
So, yes, I have high standards for my kids. Because they need to have high standards for themselves.
That's not ridiculous, is it?
Well, actually, I only feel that way after talking to other parents, where the popular sentiment seems to be a hands-off, que sera sera approach.
And I can understand why they feel that way. For the most part, their kids are out of their control. They've been put into the hands of the public school system, where standards for learning and behavior are decidedly on the low side.
High standards would ultimately hurt someone's feelings, you know. And that just isn't very nice.
Because my kids are homeschooled, I can get away with telling them to always do their best. In everything they do.
My kids can never get away with not putting in their best effort, because I know them so well. That's what comes with investing so much of my time in them. Over the years, I've learned exactly what talents they have, and what they are capable of doing.
So, when they're being lazy, or holding back, I say something.
Because the worst thing I could let them do is grow accustomed to doing a half-assed job on school work, chores, sports, or hobbies. If they get away with that enough times, then that is where they will set the bar for themselves.
And I absolutely know that once the bar is set low, it'll be a long and painful undertaking to move it higher.
So, yes, I have high standards for my kids. Because they need to have high standards for themselves.
That's not ridiculous, is it?
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 2:36 AM
12 Comments:
Of course it's not ridiculous to have insanely high standards for your kids. It means you'll have kids who will hold themselves and their own children to high standards.
It is ridiculous to blame public school for low standards in children. I, along with many of my friends, went to public schools. The schools are not to blame for poor performance. Regardless of where a child is being taught, the parents are still responsible for knowing their children as well as you know yours. My parents held me to a high standard, and still do.
Just remember that public school isn't to blame for all the evils in the world. Leave that blame to bad parenting. :-)
I'm really interested in the home school debate, especially regarding this issue.
My mother-in-law teaches 6th grade, and they've just had their regular classes combined with the special needs classes (intellectual and behavioral) and I really don't see how that will do any of the kids any good. From where I sit, the problem with public schools is the funding and the politics as opposed to the standards set forth by most teachers. I think all teachers would prefer to have a higher bar if they didn't feel that a child's success was pinned solely on them (cough: no child left behind).
Bravo to you! If only every child got this.
I agree with you all to a point. My children go to public school, yet I still take the time to go through with them what they are learning, look through their work and make sure they are applying themselves. The public school model really depends on a partnership.
Do I have complaints about public school, oh yeah. Would I homeschool if I could. You betcha.
But the teacher's cannot do it all. My girls have 21 and 23 kids in each of their classes, of these they all have varying skill levels.
Do the public schools need a top notch renovation of what is important YES. In the meantime, it is important for me to follow up and make sure my children grow up to be the best they can be and only I can know what their strengths and limitations are because I am with them everyday and that's kind of what I signed up for with this Mama business!
Great post!! Keep pushing!
You just have to be careful that you don't set that bar too high. I set the bar high when my kids were younger. I expected alot of them. When they hit the teenage years, I learned that by doing so I set them up for failure. They rebelled because they thought they couldn't do some things well enough. It had the total opposite effect than desired. It's a delicate balance and one that is different with every kid. That's why I always say that even though I am teaching them, they are also teaching me.
I've written before that I don't have much of a problem with our public school system. If we couldn't homeschool, I would not be afraid for my kids to be in the public school.
Because I would still know that my wife and I would remain involved parents.
See, that's the problem I really have. Too many parents give up their duties to oversee and guide their kids. It's just all too easy to trust that the teachers and administrators are going to do that job for them. But it's nearly impossible, in a classroom of 25 kids, or a school of 400, for each "bar" to be individually set. So, they set the bar low to where everyone can reach it.
I know teachers who wish they could do more for certain kids, but their hands are tied. And they find that the parents have given up those responsibilities.
So, yes, I blame the parents. That's where it starts, and ends.
I'm constantly amazed at some of the parents I meet who have lost interest, and involvement, in guiding their children through the complexities of life from 0 to 18.
Melanie, I ask myself on a daily basis how far to push my kids.
You're absolutely right... It's a delicate balancing act, which I am forever adjusting and changing.
Sometimes it wears me out. That's when we curl up on the couch and watch Dirty Jobs.
Interesting post.
I attended public schools (high school class on 93) and figured that I was about average among my peer group in high school. Once I got to college, I realized that a lot of people at that particular high school were actually above average compared to the outside world. I offer that only as a way to say that it is possible (if not uncommon) to raise the bar across the board.
Second, the rush towards national standards in school has led to an across the board lowering of academic standards so that the bar is easier to reach. We're doing our kids and our country a major disservice.
On social standards, there are too many parents who don't want to be parents and view school as a glorified babysitting service. There are plenty of good things that go on at schools too, but the proportion of bad seems to grow a little each year. My kids won't darken the door of our local schools until the trend changes and standards start going up.
A lot of parents with higher standards are deciding the same thing, leaving the public schools here with fewer and fewer parents who care. It's going to be tough to escape the downward spiral of lowering standards.
The standard for the kids should be high.So that they can acheive some something good in future. And Parenting should be perfect to motivate the child to get to that standard.
California boarding schools
I'm striving to get my son to enjoy his education, and thus show a love for it, in turn making a great effort. That typed, I am not accepting the words 'I can't do it'. As said by others, and your good self, it is a balancing act.
When I look back at my own education the variety of teachers (good and bad) stand out as an education in itself. They all brought something a little different to the table and that in itself prepared me in dealing not just with people but that there is value in different points of view. Having one person teaching you all subjects, all day, every year will in my opinion limit the "education", especially in the teen years.
JC, I understand what you mean. My kids don't get just me all day, every day. They have music teachers, coaches, other parents, and outside classes (this month they've been taking a Spanish class through the local college). We have the freedom to be really flexible with these things. And to limit the number of those "bad" teachers they have to suffer through.
We've been lucky. The two public schools my kids are at are the top in the state and it shows.
It is clear that it's not just the teachers. The parents all have a strong positive attitude with their children and lead by example rather than by controlling. I'm learning a lot from them.
My kids benefit a lot from the good parenting of their peers. They experience well-behaved, happily-motivated kids every day.
These parents also set high standards without undue or unrealistic pressure. It's quite refreshing, actually.
My own approach is to set some standards via example: :Please rewrite the letters h, u and v because they're too messy." Or: "Do you want to try some bonus word problems? ... You do? That's great!"
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