Battle of Who Could Care Less
It's the most asked question of homeschoolers. You know, the one about socialization, and friends, and meeting new people.
I've answered it so many times that I now have a standard robotic response: "My kids are out and about all the time, they constantly meet new people, and have plenty of opportunities to interact with kids of all ages."
But I've been leaving something out. A little addendum to my answer that only serves to complicate the issue. Or perhaps it simplifies it. Just depends on how you look at it, I guess.
And here it is... You see, my 10-year-old son just could not care less about those things that seem so important to most critics of homeschooling.
Friends, socialization, hanging out, small talk.
None of those things interest my son in the least. You'd never know it from watching him interact with other kids. He joins in, plays along, engages, and participates.
He can be one of the boys just like, well, one of the boys.
But if he never went on another field trip or play date or birthday party, he'd be perfectly content. While he enjoys those activities, he enjoys his time alone and with family just as much or more.
He's been this way since he was a toddler. In pre-school, he would pass right by the other kids, beckoning to him to play with blocks and beanbags, to make his own fun with his own agenda. If he suddenly found himself surrounded by other kids, that was okay too, but it was never his first choice.
I used to worry about it, but then I thought that he has a rare gift. He has the ability to get along with all sorts of kids. Boys, girls, and of all ages. Just in the past year, I've seen him go from playing Frisbee golf with a group of high schoolers to patiently acting as a jungle gym for a bunch of hyper kindergartners.
At the same time, he is extremely comfortable and content with his own company. Give him a book, or a Wii controller, or a big pile of sand on the beach, and he's good to go.
He would be no different if he had continued with public school, most of which are brimming with kids just like him. These types of kids see school as a place to learn and grow, not a stage on which to fine-tune their social skills.
Maybe I'll change my answer to the "homeschool socialization" question and just reply, "He doesn't care, why do you?"
I've answered it so many times that I now have a standard robotic response: "My kids are out and about all the time, they constantly meet new people, and have plenty of opportunities to interact with kids of all ages."
But I've been leaving something out. A little addendum to my answer that only serves to complicate the issue. Or perhaps it simplifies it. Just depends on how you look at it, I guess.
And here it is... You see, my 10-year-old son just could not care less about those things that seem so important to most critics of homeschooling.
Friends, socialization, hanging out, small talk.
None of those things interest my son in the least. You'd never know it from watching him interact with other kids. He joins in, plays along, engages, and participates.
He can be one of the boys just like, well, one of the boys.
But if he never went on another field trip or play date or birthday party, he'd be perfectly content. While he enjoys those activities, he enjoys his time alone and with family just as much or more.
He's been this way since he was a toddler. In pre-school, he would pass right by the other kids, beckoning to him to play with blocks and beanbags, to make his own fun with his own agenda. If he suddenly found himself surrounded by other kids, that was okay too, but it was never his first choice.
I used to worry about it, but then I thought that he has a rare gift. He has the ability to get along with all sorts of kids. Boys, girls, and of all ages. Just in the past year, I've seen him go from playing Frisbee golf with a group of high schoolers to patiently acting as a jungle gym for a bunch of hyper kindergartners.
At the same time, he is extremely comfortable and content with his own company. Give him a book, or a Wii controller, or a big pile of sand on the beach, and he's good to go.
He would be no different if he had continued with public school, most of which are brimming with kids just like him. These types of kids see school as a place to learn and grow, not a stage on which to fine-tune their social skills.
Maybe I'll change my answer to the "homeschool socialization" question and just reply, "He doesn't care, why do you?"
Labels: homeschooling
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 9:50 PM
15 Comments:
Sounds very much like our son, he's quite a loner too but also interact when required of him with out probs. I think they are highly intelligent kids :-) My son is currently in his room reading, no teacher EVER had to ask us to get him to read more, maybe run more :-) Is only fault is that he is not into sport much but only squash IF only it's with my husband, a bit of competitiveness there but apart from that books, Xbox and painting is his thing.
I'm proud that he's not a needy clingy type of child either. Will be interestging to see what little man turns out as.
My daughter ask to go to friends or a friend come over but also only occationally, she social to much at school though.
:-)
Even school produces anti-social students..; and some end up to be pests of the society! May be people just jealous of how good your kids turn out to be when homeschooled!
Souns like a good answer. What's it to them anyway...
Your son sounds well rounded. Just perfect the way he is
Friends, in the way that people use the term these days, are WAY overrated.
While she welcomes schoolmates over to play, in her heart my oldest would prefer to play with her lil sis and her parents...at home. She is a bit of a homebody and I love it.
Your response is perfect. More perfect, but also more rude to some, would be to say "shove off" or some variation of that phrase to anyone trying to poke holes in a life they can't or choose not to understand.
The only flaw in homeschoolers as a group that I have personally witnessed was when I worked at a Children's Theater, and we had a separate day for the homeschool kids to come and see the plays. They WOULD NOT SIT STILL and BE QUIET. They could not understand the concept that as a group, they should be polite and hold still and pay attention to the people on the stage. It's not a movie. Those are real actors up there. And to talk when other people are talking is rude.
Some may argue that such nonconformity is to be applauded, and usually I agree, but in the audience of a ballet or theatrical performance is not the place to demonstrate your free-thinking. Sometimes standardized group-behavior is nice and it makes things go more smoothly.
As for the socialization argument, my boyfriend would have died without the social nature of school; I could have cared less. I found very few children worth talking to; since we have gotten older my old classmates have gotten more interesting. He doesn't believe me, though. I don't think he understands that I would have thought he was hopelessly boring when we were in school. But I was actually there for the learning, which he was not.
Introverts draw strength and energy from time alone. Extrovert draw energy from human contact. Me and my son are close to the middle, though I lean more in, and he leans a tad more out.
Lael on the other hand, seems to be leading significantly toward being an introvert like her mom. Lael wants friends, but only one or two at a time at most.
You son, sounds like he's further introverted than my daughter. The beauty of introverts are they tend to be highly introspective, deep people.
They WOULD NOT SIT STILL and BE QUIET.
I believe kids should learn this before they ever get to school at the age of 5 or 6. At least, I taught my kids how to behave in situations like that when they were still toddlers.
However, both my kids did go to kindergarten at the public school, so it was probably reinforced there.
Still, I'd put blame for unruly kids squarely on the parents, not how or where they're schooled.
This sounds so much like my son so I am curious how is he when he is sick?? My son acts like he is on his deathbed he goes from not needy and clingy to "please don't leave me just stay right here" He doesn't get sick very often so I actually enjoy the needy clingy thing.
I think that's the perfect response.
My only concern with homeschooling is that I'm not smart enough to teach it. Once we started fractions my cover would be blown.
Love the new response! do these people that ask THE question know the difference between socialization and socializing?? just sayin'
in response to Andrea I find that interesting as we once went to a CYT play in Spokane AT an elementary school with our co-op and the public school kids were FAR worse for sitting still....we now make sure whatever play we see is not at a school
I think it's a perfect answer! If I would have known then, what I know now...mine would have been home schooled!
It is a rare gift to be all things to all people and yet perfectly comfortable alone. He's gonna go far.
I also second Whit--I've neither the smarts or the patience to homeschool.
Frisbee golf, cool.
I'm with Whit and Ed, don't feel I'm smart enough to do the homeschooling. Diagramming sentences..whew, I'd be done.
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