Your Mountains So Lofty
A few weeks back there was a fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal about teenagers in Finland, and how they are among the smartest, highest-testing students in the world.
There's much debate about what, exactly, the Finns are doing right, but I noticed a couple of items in the article that bear highlighting. I think parents everywhere should be thinking about these things.
First, the Finns love reading. I'm frequently stunned when I go into the homes of friends and neighbors and see NO BOOKS around. When my son was born, my wife and I made a conscious decision to surround him with books. Day one, we had a crib, changing table, dresser, and bookshelf filled with all the childhood favorites. Even before he could read the books, he was playing with them. We'd find him sitting on the floor with a pile of Dr. Seuss books, just staring at the colorful drawings. Also, from the very beginning, we read to him every single day. I know that he and his sister are such great readers today because of that early emphasis.
It's not enough to just have a shelf of children's books in your house. Your kids need to see you reading too. We've always had our books sitting out, a stack of two or three by the bedside, or a large bookcase in the living room stuffed with new and old favorites. Kids model their parents, and if you're a reader, they will be too.
The second point I made note of in that WSJ article was how the Finns allow their children much more independence than we do. From an early age, Finnish children are given more choices and greater freedom. There seems to be less hovering on the part of the parents, so by the time their kids are teenagers they've had a lot of practice making good choices and avoiding bad ones. It's easier to help kids develop self-reliance throughout their childhood than to try and teach it to them all at once when they're almost adults.
I struggle with the question of how much independence to give my kids. We're taking baby steps. My son makes his own lunch most days now. He and his sister pick out their own clothes, check out their own books at the library, and have a lot of free time on the weekends to do whatever they want. I still control the TV, computer, phone, 98% of the refrigerator, bedtime, and our school curriculum. Little by little, my kids will start making their own decisions about all those things. I'm confident they'll be ready.
There's much debate about what, exactly, the Finns are doing right, but I noticed a couple of items in the article that bear highlighting. I think parents everywhere should be thinking about these things.
First, the Finns love reading. I'm frequently stunned when I go into the homes of friends and neighbors and see NO BOOKS around. When my son was born, my wife and I made a conscious decision to surround him with books. Day one, we had a crib, changing table, dresser, and bookshelf filled with all the childhood favorites. Even before he could read the books, he was playing with them. We'd find him sitting on the floor with a pile of Dr. Seuss books, just staring at the colorful drawings. Also, from the very beginning, we read to him every single day. I know that he and his sister are such great readers today because of that early emphasis.
It's not enough to just have a shelf of children's books in your house. Your kids need to see you reading too. We've always had our books sitting out, a stack of two or three by the bedside, or a large bookcase in the living room stuffed with new and old favorites. Kids model their parents, and if you're a reader, they will be too.
The second point I made note of in that WSJ article was how the Finns allow their children much more independence than we do. From an early age, Finnish children are given more choices and greater freedom. There seems to be less hovering on the part of the parents, so by the time their kids are teenagers they've had a lot of practice making good choices and avoiding bad ones. It's easier to help kids develop self-reliance throughout their childhood than to try and teach it to them all at once when they're almost adults.
I struggle with the question of how much independence to give my kids. We're taking baby steps. My son makes his own lunch most days now. He and his sister pick out their own clothes, check out their own books at the library, and have a lot of free time on the weekends to do whatever they want. I still control the TV, computer, phone, 98% of the refrigerator, bedtime, and our school curriculum. Little by little, my kids will start making their own decisions about all those things. I'm confident they'll be ready.
Permalink posted by Phil at 1:50 AM
11 Comments:
My wife reviews children's books. We get so many, we're going to wind up turning them into furniture. Not surprisingly, our kids love reading.
As to choices: I often try to present things in the form of a choice to my kids. One freedom denied: sprinting out into parking lots and roads. (They seemed determined on that one.)
Your point about books is an extremely good one.
Love your point about books. I have worked for far to many families who have a bunch of kids books for their children but the parents don't actually read in front of their kids.
Brilliant stuff. I couldn't agree more with those bright Fins. Books rule, TV drools.
oh yes, they give them independence all right. they are mouthy, sassy, out of control children, dirty and unkempt, and Mom acts stoned and Dad acts helpless. I think Finnish parents are the worst I've ever seen, worse than Americans! and the idea that their children test high just sends me into orbit.
And you don't have to be Finnish to establish a reading culture in your home and subrogate television to sporting events and state of the union.
they are mouthy, sassy, out of control children, dirty and unkempt
Wait, do you mean Finnish teens, or American teens? :)
Seriously, I think they have a few good ideas. Sounds like they take it to an extreme with letting kids do whatever they want. That's never good. Children need, even crave, structure and limits.
Seriously, you have to be there to appreciate these comments. The Finns aren't unusually bright or better parents; have you ever had any experiences with these people? What they are is in touch. In touch. Anybody who really contemplates what children need to thrive, will conclude that a long term relationship with your public library is integral to a child's intellectual, academic and emotional growth and well being. You don't have to be Finnish or even stoned to get that. But you do have to be resolute; because parking your baby in front of the television is too easy and there's too much to do in keeping house and making a family these days. It's just like anything else; you gotta want it. I would make the case that the Finnish children suffer mildly from delayed social deveopment. They are ill-prepared and at a loss to police and monitor their own behavior in a public setting and in fact, have no idea what might be acceptable behavior and conduct. And their conflict resolutions skills, even MINOR skills, are non-existent. And that particular set back is hard to measure on standardized tests. In 20 years, the world will proclaim the VietNamese as the best parents in the universe, a title they rightfully deserve. Maybe they can set up a series of summer camps for the Finns to send their children so they can be well-read, smart and lovely to be around. See? I read your blog. Carefully, in fact. ;9
some of my earliest memories are of the library story time my kids all have their own library cards, maxed out too we have 5 cards in this family lol
My son struggled with dyslexia throughout his school career. His reading skills lagged well behind his cognitive skills and interest level. As a result I read to him each night for 16 1/2 years! Then at age 20 he called me one day to say: "I love the library!" He is now an avid reader and for my birthday bought me a book whose author he had heard reviewed on NPR.
We could easily open a book store with all our current inventory...my kids have always been into books, as well. With two English majors as parents it was inevitable. Our five year old is already reading to his little sister and our nearly one year old brought me a book the other day and said, "Ree! ree!" over and over. I don't think a day has gone by in which I haven't read to them.
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