Trading Places
Being a stay-at-home dad is a privilege and a joy. I would not trade places with anyone if it meant not being able to parent my kids on a full-time basis. I am absolutely, perfectly content.
Well, most of the time.
I think most stay-at-home parents have those moments when they feel a bit envious of those who command respect and authority through their jobs. At home, our authority is always in question by belligerent children, while respect is... well, mostly non-existent.
I have a friend who is a well-known TV news anchor. He gets to interview politicians, celebrities, and business leaders. Viewers trust and admire him. From the outside, his career seems exciting and challenging. It's the kind of life I had once envisioned, before the children came along. I've had those moments, when talking with my friend, where I wished I could trade places with him and experience some of the prestige and energy of a job like his.
So it came as kind of a shock when my friend sent me an email expressing his desire to trade places with me! He wrote: "I work hours you would puke at. I'm known around the company as the Devil Who Wears Prada. Everyone's scared of me around here. It's all about BS on the air and stroking egos. I envy your life, you're my living example of Adam@home. You're doing well, my friend."
Maybe he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Or maybe he was having one of those moments where the grass looks greener on the other side.
Or perhaps he's realizing that when his kids are grown, he's going to wish he'd spent more time with them instead of at the office where friends are few and memories are trivial at best.
There's nothing about my life as a stay-at-home dad that I would trade away. Even in those fleeting moments of "what if" I never forget the value of my experiences with my kids. Hands down, it beats anything a career can deliver.
Well, most of the time.
I think most stay-at-home parents have those moments when they feel a bit envious of those who command respect and authority through their jobs. At home, our authority is always in question by belligerent children, while respect is... well, mostly non-existent.
I have a friend who is a well-known TV news anchor. He gets to interview politicians, celebrities, and business leaders. Viewers trust and admire him. From the outside, his career seems exciting and challenging. It's the kind of life I had once envisioned, before the children came along. I've had those moments, when talking with my friend, where I wished I could trade places with him and experience some of the prestige and energy of a job like his.
So it came as kind of a shock when my friend sent me an email expressing his desire to trade places with me! He wrote: "I work hours you would puke at. I'm known around the company as the Devil Who Wears Prada. Everyone's scared of me around here. It's all about BS on the air and stroking egos. I envy your life, you're my living example of Adam@home. You're doing well, my friend."
Maybe he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Or maybe he was having one of those moments where the grass looks greener on the other side.
Or perhaps he's realizing that when his kids are grown, he's going to wish he'd spent more time with them instead of at the office where friends are few and memories are trivial at best.
There's nothing about my life as a stay-at-home dad that I would trade away. Even in those fleeting moments of "what if" I never forget the value of my experiences with my kids. Hands down, it beats anything a career can deliver.
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 12:41 AM
15 Comments:
Well said--by you and your friend. I wish more people who worked so many hours (and I used to be one of them) would get it.
If I had known what I know now, I would have made a couple mill out of college then stayed at home with wife and kids. Seriously.
So true! I try to remember that on those days when our little apartment seems cramped and our one car is limping along. I know the things we're giving up so that I can stay home won't be missed in the long run, but these years with the munchkins can't be replaced, and are passing all too quickly!
The old "grass is always greener" syndrome eh? I've had the rare privilege of being in both shoes and they both have their pros and cons. Right now though after being in the office for the last 15 years, I could use a little SAH time for sure.
Ahhhhh, funny you should post about this today. Delurking here, to ask your point of view.
I have 3 grown daughters & I did not have the luxury of staying home with them as they grew. We are now adopting a 2 yr old. With the cost of daycare it doesn't pay to have someone else raise your children.(not that it does anyway)
But I will be staying home with him when the adoption is through in a few weeks. I had to stay home with him 2 days last week when he was sick and realized this was not going to be easy. I found myself not knowing what to do with him or me! What is your typical day like or do you have any suggestions as to how to structure/organize a day?I know I want to start home schooling him EARLY. I've lived in Japan and seen their education system and they start early, like age 18 months early.
Thanks
I wish there were many more varied and flexible work/childcare options that made it easier to balance work and home.
The grass is greener, and it would be nice to be able to re-balance every so often.
Word.
That's what the kids are saying nowadays. It means that I agree.
I worked in radio and TV for 12 years and one of the reasons I left was because I realized that work in the media is insane and wasn't compatible with the family life I wanted to lead.
It's hard work being a parent, but when you work the crazy hours and in such a stressful situation as the media - well, I can see why he believes the grass is greener. Having lived both sides, I can say that, for me, it really is so.
I wouldn't trade the 11 years I was a stay at home mom for anything. Yes, it was very frustrating at times, but it was worth it all. And still, I only work part time now, because I don't want a job to take over my life. The girls still have a lot of growing up to do, and I want to be there to experience it with them, and guide and help them along.
I think it's absolutely awesome that you are a SAHD. Yes...I think we all want that prestige that comes with a high flying job but like you say, in the bigger scheme of things, no one will really remember that 'one day'. You walk out of a job and people forget all about you within in a month.
I stayed home with my tweens from birth 'till they went to Primary school. I enjoyed it and the bond we have is great and strong, I missed out on nothing. With little T I stayed home and did my p/t uni course, only now that he will turn 3 did I return to p/t work, I still feel happy about the fact that I was home to see my babies all take their first step, giggle, feed themselves and said "mummy" the first time etc.
I hope I made the right decision to work p/t, part of me needed the break to be in the adult world and it does our budget good. The child care is great and I only work 5 hours a few days a week, so it's not a 7am - 6pm I know some parents do, I'll never do that to my child.
Fridays I drop him of at 2pm and his dad pick him up at 4:30pm or 5pm, not bad.
Great post, I agree with you we never know if we have it the best but as long as we enjoy it and do it for the right reasons then we are set. Those memories you'll only have once in a life time to capture.
Thank you for that....signed a homeschoolmom that sometimes thinks the grass is greener...maybe it is this frigid weather and not leaving the house.
Yes, I had a taste of that life and am realizing that with a little effort, it could be a lot more fun than I remember (and I do remember it being fun)
When the time comes for the kids to move away, I'm not going to regret lost work time. No matter how much family time you get, it's never enough.
As a former SAHD who returned to the work force last year your post hits close to home. I'm back in a professional position, have a good deal of respect, and feel I am making a good living. Unfortunately, it all pales in comparison with what I felt (and still glimpse) with and for my children as their primary caregiver. You have the most important and rewarding job in the world...keep it up and it will pay off in so much more than a paycheck ever will.
Post a Comment
<< Home