Bleeping Men
If you've been reading my blog for some time, then you know that I don't use profanity in my posts. But today I have to make an exception, because there's a question that I really have to ask:
Why are men such assholes sometimes?
Today at my son's PE class, a mom introduced herself to me and then proceeded to tell me one of the saddest stories I've heard in a long time.
It seems that her husband abruptly moved the family from Arizona to North Idaho for a job that was the same kind of job he had before. A lateral move, no other reason to make such a move. Once they arrived here, it was obvious to the wife that her husband was familiar with the area, but he wouldn't say why. He started spending evenings and weekends away from home, saying that he was working overtime or meeting friends to play cards.
One Saturday, while her husband was away on a business trip, the woman took her kids, ages 5, 7, and 12, to a nature trail to collect leaves and pinecones for a school project. The 12-year-old boy excitedly ran up the trail ahead of them, disappearing around some trees. A few minutes later, he came running back with a scared look on his face.
It seems that dear old dad was just up the trail admiring the scenery. With a young lady. And their two children.
Yup. He had another family.
Now comes the saddest part. The divorce went quickly and amicably. But when it came time to make arrangements for visits with his children, their father declined, telling his ex-wife that he wants to "start over with my new family."
Can you imagine how his kids must feel, being rejected by their dad because he wants a do-over with his life?
Like I said, why are men such assholes sometimes?
Why are men such assholes sometimes?
Today at my son's PE class, a mom introduced herself to me and then proceeded to tell me one of the saddest stories I've heard in a long time.
It seems that her husband abruptly moved the family from Arizona to North Idaho for a job that was the same kind of job he had before. A lateral move, no other reason to make such a move. Once they arrived here, it was obvious to the wife that her husband was familiar with the area, but he wouldn't say why. He started spending evenings and weekends away from home, saying that he was working overtime or meeting friends to play cards.
One Saturday, while her husband was away on a business trip, the woman took her kids, ages 5, 7, and 12, to a nature trail to collect leaves and pinecones for a school project. The 12-year-old boy excitedly ran up the trail ahead of them, disappearing around some trees. A few minutes later, he came running back with a scared look on his face.
It seems that dear old dad was just up the trail admiring the scenery. With a young lady. And their two children.
Yup. He had another family.
Now comes the saddest part. The divorce went quickly and amicably. But when it came time to make arrangements for visits with his children, their father declined, telling his ex-wife that he wants to "start over with my new family."
Can you imagine how his kids must feel, being rejected by their dad because he wants a do-over with his life?
Like I said, why are men such assholes sometimes?
Permalink posted by Phil at 12:13 AM
29 Comments:
First, you talk like a darn sailor.
Second, that's disgusting. Yes, it is incredibly sad that he is rejecting those kids, but in the long run maybe they'll be better off without him.
What a horrible person.
What a pillock.
You're right though, us men are responsible for a disproportionate amount of misery in this world.
I wish I could tell you the emotion going through me right now. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 13...it was bad enough for that to have happened, I could not even begin to imagine what the feelings running through those kids right now. I will be praying for them.
Oh boy, that opens up a huge debate on human biology and culture.
Oh my gosh, Phil, that is such an awful story. What a terrible way for the kids to find out and what incredible feelings of pain and rejection that family (what remains of it) must have...
I try not to use profanity, either, but once in a while, there is nothing else that can adequately convey what needs to be said with as much accuracy and strength. You picked the right word, IMO.
I agree with Whit...those kids are probably much better off growing up without a man like that in their lives. Makes me wonder about the new woman in his life, and their two kids. They really have a few strikes against them.
Im affraid it happens all the time.....my sons father walked out on there lives and left me to emotinally and financially raise our sons myself.... they were 6, 9, 14 and 16.... and now he has another family, yet has nuffin to do with these most precious boys.....
It happens, one has to just pull oneself up by ones knicker elastic and do the very best one can with the situation and circumstance one is plonked in.....
I will keep this lady in my thoughts, its tough and hard and sometimes its overwhelming, but its also rewarding in so many ways....
X
It's things like this which make me agree that men are assholes. But then I come back to the realization that I would also be calling myself an asshole. Which I would disagree with. I will state why, and hopefully others would agree.
But atm still going to the university, and not being married. I cannot bring myself to even crush an ant purposely because I believe I do not have the right to end it's life, especially needlessly.
So how on earth would I bring myself to destroy the lives of the woman I married out of love, along with the lives of Im guessing 1-3 children, which I'm sure would hold a greater significance than those of an ant (and if it didn't then I would be an asshole)
So I believe it would be "some bleeping men".
I do sympathize though for the poor individual who had to put up with this situation. I've seen it happen two times to older friends before. It still hurts to see friends go through this agony. But sadly in the end all one can do is watch from the sidelines, trying to help where you can and be willing to offer a shoulder to lean on when they need it.
Hopefully in the end that ****head will get what is coming to him, but for the time being. The best thing they can do is just keep moving forward.
Well there are my two cents.... take them for what they are worth.
That is an awful story. Sadly, it's familiar to me. My mother's cousin became separated from his wife (at least he was honest about that) but after the divorce he met another woman, moved across the country, married her and began a new family with her. He never speaks to his daughters and they are now adults and still hoping that one day he will get in touch with them. Pathetic and unbelievable. And I do not lie when I say this man seemed like the most unlikely man in the world to do such a thing. I just don't get it.
That said, my husband's first wife was a complete asshole, so assholism is not a gender specific trait. Hey, I think I may have created a new word.
This is heart-renching. My question is ... why didn't he leave them behind? Why did he uproot them just to dump them? Does that show from his selfish nature?
God be with his wife and kids that he left behind.
freaky and scary
Now I'm gonna have to cuss little bit..
What a dickhead that guy is.
OMG. That is so sad. Did the mom ever say why they didn't move back to Arizona?
She told me they liked it here better. She thought it was healthier for her kids to be away from the cities.
Due to my uncanny ability to find datable losers, I've asked myself this question quite often. I really don't have an answer. I hope those kids can overcome this.
It sounds so trite to say, "everything happens for a reason", but perhaps a small consolation to that woman and the kids was to find out then, instead of prolonging the misery with such a poor excuse for a husband/father.
What I don't understand is why the new wife thinks she'll be any safer from his inability to man up and stay with what he starts.
I'll be praying for her and her children to find someone who deserves them.
They are much better off without him.
What will happen when the second family grows tiresome?
I wish all the best to those left behind.
That is the saddest thing I have heard all week. I'll be praying for her and her children, may they all heal and be stronger for what has happened.
Some people can be such....jerks.
There are unfortunately millions of stories of useless jerks like this. Although a whole new family while still carrying on with the old one does seem a bit extreme even stuff like that has become almost common place.
I divorced my son's father when he was just a baby. Sure enough he didn't pay child support, didn't use his visitation and didn't call to check on my son. Here is the up side to the story. This last year my husband talked him into terminating his rights to my son so he could adopt him. I met my husband shortly after I divorced my son's birth father. Almost immediately he stepped in as a father figure. My son began calling him Daddy even before we were married. I've never once heard "your son". There are good men out there. I married one. He stepped up not to be a stepfather but to be this child's Daddy when he didn't have to accept another man's kid as his own.
I say this to point out that there is so much evil in the world that it is sometimes hard not to be overwhelmed with just how bad people can be. I think that in times like these it is important to also look around to see just how good people can be so we don't become brokenhearted.
LOL The phrase "A Few Good Men" just popped into my head! The few good men have a heavy burden in today's world. It rests on their shoulders to be kind, protect the weak and show the abused that not all man kind is cruel. Meanwhile it is up to us parents to make sure we are raising good men and real ladies.
Immaturity. Plain and simple. And, of course, selfishness. Have you ever seen those "boot camps" they have for out of control teenagers on TV? The camps scare the teens straight, teaches them accountability, sets them on a better path, etc? Well, I kind of wish there were butt-kicking boot camps for adults. Some of these men (and women) need a big scary, drill sergeant to knock some maturity and perspective into their heads.
Yes men at times can be jerks.
But in the account you give the second wife should take some of the blame. Most of the time the other women knows. She contributed to the problem. If she had been honorable maybe the husband wouldn't have crossed the line.
From the brief account it sounds like the husband takes 60% of the blame, and the other women takes 30% of the blame. I expect there were other people who knew.
Ugh. What a terrifying story. The kind of thing that makes a person wonder just how duplicitous human beings can be. Apparently really really duplicitous. Ugh again.
Hung, drawn and quartered perhaps?
There was a time when this would have been the penalty.
Lord have mercy.
I'm surprised some men actually ask and admit this..it's a normal case here where polygamy is legal..and cause neverending worries to all women.
There are some of those great "prizes" out there. I dated a fellow for a few months. We were getting pretty serious about settling down together and moving to Seattle.
I just felt that something wasn't completely right...women's intuition pays off...
I was at his apartment one afternoon, and while I was there, his WIFE showed up!!! Just a little fact that he had neglected to tell me. He said he was leaving her and she said "I thought we were working it out...for the sake of the CHILD!!!"
Yeah...I left and never looked back! Some men are jerks aren't they?
I'd like to share the flip side. When my husband divorced his first wife, their daughter was 5. He spent as much time as he could with her and begged his ex for even more time. In fact when she started first grade, he took a job that was flexible enough so he could volunteer at her school just so he could be close to her. I don't mean that in a creepy way at all...he is a wonderful loving dad. If we had met earlier in life we would have had more children.
I hope this woman can find happiness in a relationship again.
It's not only the men... some women can be A-holes too, maybe there is another word for them...
Over the weekend, my stepson went back to his hometown for an annual event. While there, parked at a bar was his mother who swore that she had stopped drinking.
This woman never visited her 3 kids, never sent any support, and only called on birthdays with empty promises of gifts.
I've been their stepmom since 2002 and have come to care about me more than their own mother.
So, it doesn't only happen to men, it happens to the women too.
What a coincidence, sounds like a movie, I'm glad he is caught out!
Wish her all the best from all over the world. She'll find her own inner strength and shine and then he'll be so jealous he'll come and try to read her blog ;-)
Wow, that's one of the saddest stories I've heard!
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