The Middle Man
One of the most frustrating aspects of being a stay-at-home dad has been playing the middle man to my kids' school friends.
My kids don't pick up the phone and make their own playdates. They certainly don't drive themselves across town to the park or someone else's house.
I get to play the middle man, and the people I deal with have always been moms. And therein lies the frustration. Going all the way back to kindergarten, my son has consistently made friends with boys whose mothers have generally turned their noses up at the idea of a stay-at-home dad.
They never just come out and say it. Instead, they go through the motion of exchanging numbers and promises of playdates. But then it never quite all works out and I have to explain to my son that he won't be seeing his friends outside of school or through the summer.
Friends can be a great joy in one's life. They can also be a source of deep disappointment. Right now my son doesn't understand the dynamics of the "middle man" and is only learning that his friends keep letting him down.
I have yet to say to him, "Johnny can't come over to play because his mommy doesn't like your daddy." One of these years, he won't have to rely on me to make the plans and set the schedule. But that's a long time from now. Until then, I'll keep playing that middle man role and hoping for success.
My kids don't pick up the phone and make their own playdates. They certainly don't drive themselves across town to the park or someone else's house.
I get to play the middle man, and the people I deal with have always been moms. And therein lies the frustration. Going all the way back to kindergarten, my son has consistently made friends with boys whose mothers have generally turned their noses up at the idea of a stay-at-home dad.
They never just come out and say it. Instead, they go through the motion of exchanging numbers and promises of playdates. But then it never quite all works out and I have to explain to my son that he won't be seeing his friends outside of school or through the summer.
Friends can be a great joy in one's life. They can also be a source of deep disappointment. Right now my son doesn't understand the dynamics of the "middle man" and is only learning that his friends keep letting him down.
I have yet to say to him, "Johnny can't come over to play because his mommy doesn't like your daddy." One of these years, he won't have to rely on me to make the plans and set the schedule. But that's a long time from now. Until then, I'll keep playing that middle man role and hoping for success.
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 1:17 AM
12 Comments:
Well, since my husband did the SAHD thing for two years, I would never turn my nose up to you.
As for my own perspective, I am realizing now that one of the reasons I hate playdates at my son's age (he's 2), is that I don't want to spend the time to hang with the mom. I just want a play mate for my son, not another BFF for myself.
I still find it hard to believe that people feel this way about SAHD's. I am not denying you experience its just that it does not make sense to me.
When we lived in Georgia one of the families we were closest to had a SAHD and we spent a bit of time together but I watched how other people reacted to him at a park or he shared how he felt.
Will be praying that you can keep your humor and find a natural way to navigate these waters. Will pray for understanding on their parts and good friends and families to come into your life. And for your kids to have some fun playdates this summer.
Oh man don't poke me with such a sharp stick.
I have had troubles organizing playdate things all year and now this summer too. Is it busyness on their part, or laziness, or a desire to avoid me? Who knows?
Shame upon those people that act that way.....
x
My hubbie has expressed that he definitely wants to be the stay-at-home parent for our kids. I never even thought about other parents having problems with that. Huh.
I am sorry that you're being put in this position. I work for a lady who also turns her nose up at SAHD's. I, personally, think that SAHD's should be admired and respected for their move into a role that has always been dominated by females. Best of luck to you and your son--I hope you can work through it together.
Granted, the few playdates we've had have been with friends that were established before I went SAHD, but I do have one on Monday that was intiated by a mom. Of course, she's a blogger in the parent-realm, and SAHD's are normal there.
I never really thought anything about it, the parks are always full of dads, but I have had people seem surprised that I take the two of them out for normal activities.
I'm tired of the (wo)man holding us down.
It sounds like you have a task cut out for you, organising your kids social lives. Do you manage to have one yourself?
Good luck, hang in there!
This is one of those cruel things in real life that we want to hide from our kids..but will soon have to reveal to them. I know how you must feel..
My husband was reading this post over my shoulder and stated that he had the same problem with his daughter's friends parents before we were married. They would stammer about him being a single parent and blah blah blah. Odd isn't it?
i dont understand ppl who turn up their nose at something so admirable. for either parent to stay home is tough and its worse for men who have to face disdain... well ur doing a great job so to hell with them.
We have run into this with my husband's "daddy days". I work at our business a couple days a week, while he stays home with our son. Many of our local home school group functions happen to occur on my work days. When my husband has taken son to functions, the ladies basically ignore him and don't even try to involve him in conversations. He has quit going. So, understand perfectly what you are saying.
Robin
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