Mean Girls
Why are kids so mean sometimes?
We were at the park today. I watched, from about 50 feet away, as a group of 9-year-old girls surrounded my 5-year-old daughter by the tire swing and started talking to her.
I moved closer. The girls looked up and saw me coming, then quickly walked toward the basketball courts. I then saw that my daughter was crying.
I took her hand and asked what happened. She said, "They called me an ugly toad and a jerk-face."
Immediately I started walking with her toward the group of girls, wanting them to apologize to her. But they started running.
That's when Super Brother took action! My son, who was riding his bike around the park, had seen all of this take place. When the girls ran off, he zoomed across the basketball court and chased them down the sidewalk.
He reported back to me that they had disappeared into a house, but, "I yelled at them to stay away from my sister!"
So why are kids so mean? And why do girls seem to have an extra-special brand of abuse that they reserve just for each other?
I'm reminded of a scene from Seinfeld, where Jerry and George are discussing wedgies they received in school. Elaine chimes in that girls don't do things like that. Instead, "We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."
My kids know there are mean people in the world. We do our best to avoid them. I just never expected I'd have to teach my 5-year-old how to deal with the mean girls at the park. I thought that wouldn't be an issue until much later.
We were at the park today. I watched, from about 50 feet away, as a group of 9-year-old girls surrounded my 5-year-old daughter by the tire swing and started talking to her.
I moved closer. The girls looked up and saw me coming, then quickly walked toward the basketball courts. I then saw that my daughter was crying.
I took her hand and asked what happened. She said, "They called me an ugly toad and a jerk-face."
Immediately I started walking with her toward the group of girls, wanting them to apologize to her. But they started running.
That's when Super Brother took action! My son, who was riding his bike around the park, had seen all of this take place. When the girls ran off, he zoomed across the basketball court and chased them down the sidewalk.
He reported back to me that they had disappeared into a house, but, "I yelled at them to stay away from my sister!"
So why are kids so mean? And why do girls seem to have an extra-special brand of abuse that they reserve just for each other?
I'm reminded of a scene from Seinfeld, where Jerry and George are discussing wedgies they received in school. Elaine chimes in that girls don't do things like that. Instead, "We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."
My kids know there are mean people in the world. We do our best to avoid them. I just never expected I'd have to teach my 5-year-old how to deal with the mean girls at the park. I thought that wouldn't be an issue until much later.
Permalink posted by Phil at 12:05 AM
17 Comments:
Kids suck.
It must be the sense of power and belonging to a group. Kind of like politics.
Hope your little girl is okay. Kudos, btw, to big brother.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that big brother got an extra scoop in his ice cream bowl tonight!
As the father of a 14-month old girl, I was saddened to read this post describing such brute coldness. Just wondering if upon further reflection on what occurred if you would respond in the same way next time? I'm not trying to make any judgement, but am just curious about what might be the most loving thing for a father to do in such circumstances.
My daughter rebounds quickly, but we talked about it later. I told her that the "big girls" have forgotten what it's like to be five years old. I didn't want to have a long philosophical discussion with her on the state of human nature, obviously. We agreed that names like "toad" and "jerk-face" are meaningless and it just makes those girls look dumb.
I think my daughter was more upset about them not wanting to play with her. But I've told both my children that they are not allowed to play with kids who are more than a year older than them. For this very reason!
I don't want my kids to become jaded and cynical about people at such a young age.
Gosh, this is what I worry about the most with our son. He's overly-sensitive and I just know other kids will use this to their advantage.
Sadly, another lesson your daughter has to learn the hard way.
we dealt with mean girls this year in kindergarten. I so wanted to wring a 6 year old's neck. VERY frustrating. VERY frsutrating when the parents are clueless (and behave the same way as the 6 year old)
Man, that stinks. At the very least, you were there to swoop in and help her. I love her big brother's help too.
Human power play is an ugly thing, but impossible to get away from. Sounds like you know how to handle it though and because of that, your daughter will come out ahead of those other kids.
The solution is simple, Phil! Teach her UFC-style fighting techniques. Ground and Pound!
i really don't look forward to dealing with this when it is my turn. my eldest daughter is super outgoing and i know that it will happen probably sooner than later.
One of my biggest fears is that my daughter will turn into one of these pre-teen snots one day. I hope it never happens.
And I agree that your son sticking up for his sister was very admirable.
I guess you'll never know the whole story, but the fact that those twerps ran away says a lot.
What I think happens is that one kid will find the weaker, smaller, younger kid and they will pick on him or her.
This way the leader can feel more in charge because he or she pointed out someone who is different.
It keeps the attention off the leader, who is probably very insecure.
Glad your son came to the rescue!
ever see the movie 'mean girls' kinda explains why girls get that way a bit...i'm not sure why boys get that way tho. it seems like each generation of kids just keep getting more mean, have more of an attitude, etc. i'm glad your son stuck up for her..and i was reading ur post bout homeschooling, though i personally don't home school, one of the advantages is to not have to deal w these mean kids as they become teens.
Kids are so cruel at the time that kids are most sensitive. IT's just so sad.
Good for her brother though!
I agree there is a sort of bithcyness in girls that you won't find in boys. Don't know why, is it nature? survival of the prettiest? I'd rather teach my daughter to out smart them all and I also agree with you, I tell them to stick to friends their age!
My daughter also copped it this week at school, one meany "friend" spreading rumors and getting others to gang up on her, she was in tears, but when she ignores them they want to crawl back and I said she should now decide, once she had seen their true colors, to steer away from them.
The poor kid! The girls in my school growing up weren't too bad, but they had their moments. I had a couple close girl friends, but I found the boys much easier to get along with. Last year we were at a play area inside a mall when a little girl came up to my son (who had just smiled at her) and said "I don't like you!" My son came and sat beside me, his eyes all welled up with tears. I told him she hadn't learned any manners and would make a lousy friend to play with anyway. He recovered pretty cheerfully and went on to play with some other kids. I hope I can teach all my kids to be respectful of everyone's feelings, as much as possible. What a huge undertaking!
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