Tell Me Why
Stay-at-home dads everywhere will nod their heads in agreement when I say that being one has led to some interesting conversations with other parents. You can't just say to someone, "I'm a stay-at-home dad" without the inevitable response of "Why?" They all want to know. Maybe it's because it's so foreign to our culture. It's like you just said, "I'm becoming a monk and taking a vow of silence." People do that, but not very often.
So I've been getting the double whammy lately since I started homeschooling my son. No sooner do I finish explaining why I'm at home with my children than I have to start answering why we are going the homeschool route.
And, yes, for some strange reason I do feel compelled to answer the questions. I wish I could just stand there and pretend to be deaf, or say, "No habla Ingles." So I tell them why. And then I watch their eyes glaze over.
I'm used to that effect when it comes to the stay-at-home dad conversation. But the whole homeschooling dynamic is a new one to me. Funny that the effect is just the same: Eyes glaze over, attention wanders, feet shuffle, subject changes, quick exit.
It doesn't bother me at all anymore. I just think it's kind of funny that people feel uncomfortable when you step slightly outside of society's norms.
Oh, and you want to know why I am homeschooling my son? I'll answer that in another post. For now, though, I can safely say that most of your assumptions are wrong.
So I've been getting the double whammy lately since I started homeschooling my son. No sooner do I finish explaining why I'm at home with my children than I have to start answering why we are going the homeschool route.
And, yes, for some strange reason I do feel compelled to answer the questions. I wish I could just stand there and pretend to be deaf, or say, "No habla Ingles." So I tell them why. And then I watch their eyes glaze over.
I'm used to that effect when it comes to the stay-at-home dad conversation. But the whole homeschooling dynamic is a new one to me. Funny that the effect is just the same: Eyes glaze over, attention wanders, feet shuffle, subject changes, quick exit.
It doesn't bother me at all anymore. I just think it's kind of funny that people feel uncomfortable when you step slightly outside of society's norms.
Oh, and you want to know why I am homeschooling my son? I'll answer that in another post. For now, though, I can safely say that most of your assumptions are wrong.
Permalink posted by Phil at 3:42 PM
8 Comments:
I find that sad, the reaction to you being a stay at home dad. Especially now that a lot of Dad's are the ones staying home. The fathers of today are more intune to their children then say my kid's father or my father. Not only the society part, but they just didn't have the temperment. Now, you see fathers pushing baby strollers, carrying babies or their kids. A lot more than in the past. So this reaction, to me, is foreign.
The home schooling, if I were to ask why? It wouldn't be why you. But I would be interested in why the school system let you down. But come to think of it, I guess I wouldn't ask why. Because I have seen quite a few homeschool kids (my grandson being just one of them) and they do excellent. More attention given maybe? Discipline is better, parents seem to make it fun as well.
So I guess the answer to give is ...
WHY NOT?
I love the word stay-at-home-dad.
I use to call myself a housewife, and I decided no, I am a stay at home mum, that's what I do mostly, looking after kids, the housechores came in second, and if I don't feel like it I just don't do it, but parenting I do always, so that's my career now. Never mind if it's paid or unpaid.
And for homeschooling,I don't need to know the answer, as long (and I know you do) do it for the love of it and it works for you and your kids and family. Why not?! And it's very hard work, so I take my hat of for you.
I'm on the other side. I'm the working mom and my husband is the SAHD. When people ask what D does, I tell them and I get a response like "Do you really want it that way?" My response is usually "it is what is necessary for our family right now." The only people who I know have come out to say that they think it is wrong that D stays home are his parents. They weren't malicious about it, but they don't really like it.
I think deep down a lot of men simply never thought about it enough. So when you describe what you're doing, they're probably getting lost in their own world wondering what it would be like.
And even if there is resistance, men you've talked to may be more open to the idea two years from now when they lose their job or wind up home on disability.
I've met several men who would have looked at you the same way several years ago, but are happy as peach to be the stay-at-home dad now.
You probably will never know how much you are opening people's minds, though we will.
I can only imagine the questions and attitudes you get being a homeschooling SAHD, because I know I get them as a SAHM who's considering homeschooling. Some go so far as to say, "My God, why would you do that?" It's a little frustrating, but I'm certainly getting used to it, and I know it won't get any easier! I know it's easy to say "the heck what everyone else thinks," and that is the way I feel deep down, but it's hard when everyone questions the choices you make, especially when they are clearly very good ones. You could just tell people, "I like to think outside the box."
I have to say, my business is tutoring children, and the more I see of their curricula (and because of what I do, I'm able to experience several different schools' curricula), the more I would consider homeschooling any children that I had, especially the boys. It is too much, too silly, and they are exhausted. So much of it is busy work. The only programs for which I have a lot of respect are the AP programs at the local public high school. The private school is a rip off.
And I was a kid who LOVED school, and who was really good at it.
Phil, will you email me at rkthor52@aol.com? I have a question for you.
Thanks, Kerri Thoreson
Yes, you're right. People just can't accept anything abnormal. Hubby was jobless for a full year till July last year and he becomes very unsociable because everywhere people will ask Why, How come you're not working? He did work at home but people thinks that is just an excuse to say you're lazy. I wish people will just shut their mouth and mind their own business..
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