Take My Children
Help! They want to take my children away from me!
Last week one of the soccer moms on my daughter's team pestered me almost daily to take my daughter away with her for a playdate. She told me, "You can run errands while our kids play." Uhhh... First, I barely even know your last name, ma'am, what makes you think I'm going to hand over my 4-year-old daughter to a semi-complete stranger? Second, I run errands just fine with my kids because I actually enjoy having them with me. They are a help, not a hindrance.
This week, a different mom from school started bugging me about picking up my daughter along with hers after class and taking them away to her house for the afternoon, "So you can get things done at home." What, do I look like I'm overwhelmed with chores and errands? And why do these women think I'm going to trust people I don't know the first thing about? Is this what they do with their young children? Shuttle them off to one stranger after another?
I finally put them off with the explanation that my daughter doesn't like being apart from us outside of school, which is only half the truth. I've learned over the years that complete honesty with other parents is not such a good thing. Some moms and dads can be very touchy about their parenting attitudes, especially if there are some guilt issues... such as, "It's probably not a good idea to be leaving my kids with strangers, but I do so enjoy the two hours of me-time at Starbucks."
Last week one of the soccer moms on my daughter's team pestered me almost daily to take my daughter away with her for a playdate. She told me, "You can run errands while our kids play." Uhhh... First, I barely even know your last name, ma'am, what makes you think I'm going to hand over my 4-year-old daughter to a semi-complete stranger? Second, I run errands just fine with my kids because I actually enjoy having them with me. They are a help, not a hindrance.
This week, a different mom from school started bugging me about picking up my daughter along with hers after class and taking them away to her house for the afternoon, "So you can get things done at home." What, do I look like I'm overwhelmed with chores and errands? And why do these women think I'm going to trust people I don't know the first thing about? Is this what they do with their young children? Shuttle them off to one stranger after another?
I finally put them off with the explanation that my daughter doesn't like being apart from us outside of school, which is only half the truth. I've learned over the years that complete honesty with other parents is not such a good thing. Some moms and dads can be very touchy about their parenting attitudes, especially if there are some guilt issues... such as, "It's probably not a good idea to be leaving my kids with strangers, but I do so enjoy the two hours of me-time at Starbucks."
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 2:27 AM
10 Comments:
semi-complete stranger...haha
yea, i've learned when it comes to other parents, just lie.
- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com
I loved your post! Sometimes I have felt like the only mom who doesn't want someone she barely knows to drive her child somewhere and have them in their home environment! I am amazed at how easily moms leave their most precious beings (their kids) with other people who "seem nice."
I'm with you...
LOL. Totally agree.
I have trouble letting my 11 year old stay with someone I don't know very well. *sigh* They grow up so fast.
Luckily if you raise your kids to be honest they'll tell you what they did/learned at their friends house and they will (after a discussion) change that behavior.
Been there, done that. *smile*
-n
Interesting to think of the assumptions being made here by you and the moms.
You don't mention whether or not your kid wants to play at someone else's house or at these kids' houses in particular.
I honestly think the moms are being nice and welcoming, but they somehow think they need to give YOU a good reason to say yes -- so they make a comment you find a bit insulting or weird. They'd be happy to have YOU take their kid, wouldn't they? So they can run errands and get things done? You should offer, just to get material for another blog post (so, in other words, I think they would prefer to have your kid over than have their kid at your house since you are a man).
Perhaps you could find yourself able to accept if you made it clear to these moms that you need to know them and their house a little better -- do they have big dogs, a gun, dangerous toys or prescription drugs lying around...
Most likely, the moms think your daughter is pretty neat and would like her to play with theirs. Smile at the offers, really. They're hard to come by when you do the SAHD thing.
My wife does a lot of playdates with Seth and other mommies, but only after we get to know the parents. Instead, my wife goes with Seth and stays with Seth during the playdate.
Our boy loves the social contact, and it's helped him come out of his shell a lot. We have yet to let him stay with other parents solo yet, but Seth doesn't turn 4 until June.
We probably will with those parents we deeply trust.
I've had other moms and dads invite my son AND I to a public place or their houses, but, fortunately, so far not my son alone to come on a playdate without me (or my wife).
But I would react the same way you do. We would not leave our son (he's 4, too) with anyone we didn't know very well.
I have had relatives with whom I would be uneasy watching our son offer (unsolicited) to do so. These are people who we care for and know well, but just have different beliefs about discipline, supervision, TV, what it's OK to discuss in front of a young child, carseats, etc.
Before we leave our child with someone, we not only need to know them really well (and trust them!), we need to need how they parent. Because with a 4-year-old in their care, they are acting 100% in place of the parents; and, scary to say, a lot could happen in the short time it takes to "run an errand."
I'm totally with you on this one. I would really have to know parents a lot better before feeling comfortable enough to leave my kid with them.
Following up:
My post earlier had more to do with the general situation of mom inviting kid and trying to give you a reason to say yes, not about whether or not you know the parent well. There was no way I could address all possible angles in a blog response, so I hope nobody thinks I was somehow overlooking the obvious related to the age of the kid(s) and parenting styles.
I agree. Since we had our baby I also get the "When can I baby sit for you so you can go do some shopping" and I think, gosh as if I need to spent all that time spending money. I enjoy having my kids and/or baby with me/us and do family things. Why oh why can't people understand that?
So I politely said "Oh one day, don't you worry"...shall I wait till I'm doing the toilet training???*wicked grin*
"First, I barely even know your last name, ma'am, what makes you think I'm going to hand over my 4-year-old daughter to a semi-complete stranger?"
I completely understand how you feel. My kids drive me crazy most of the time. But not to the point where I will hand them over the someone I don't know very well.
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