Popularity Contest
It's not a popularity contest.
No, I'm not talking about those blog awards... I'm talking about parenting.
This is good advice to remember the next time your children say something like "You're not being fair!" or "Why won't you let me do what I want?"
Show me a mom or dad who thinks they can set their parenting skills on cruise control, and I'll show you somebody who's heading for a big blow-up during the teen years.
No, I'm not talking about those blog awards... I'm talking about parenting.
This is good advice to remember the next time your children say something like "You're not being fair!" or "Why won't you let me do what I want?"
Show me a mom or dad who thinks they can set their parenting skills on cruise control, and I'll show you somebody who's heading for a big blow-up during the teen years.
Permalink posted by Phil at 1:19 AM
4 Comments:
As a former teacher, one of the greatest mistakes I saw was parents wanting to be, first and foremost, their child's best friend.
Not to say that friendship isn't a part of the relationship, but it certainly can't be the focus. Friends carry precious little clout when it comes to discipline.
delurking, per the request in another entry....
I've never understood the desire to be your child's friend. My parents had no interest in being my friend--they were interested in raising me to be successful, independent, and healthy. As a result, they didn't care (or were smart enough not to let me see they cared) when I hated them. And I outgrew that.
So I don't understand all that stuff. Then again, I've never particularly cared if someone likes me or not. Not everyone is going to like you; that does not change the fact that you should be true, and courteous, and brave. I'm not raising my friend--I'm raising a responsible human being.
For a long time I was like George Costanza on Seinfeld, "Everybody in the world has to like me! I must be liked!"
But since having kids I'm getting over that. Yes, I want my kids to like me, or at least respect me. I'm already used to the almost daily glares and scowls I receive from my kids when they don't get their way. But at the end of the day they always say "I love you" and I know I'm doing the right thing.
I don't worry about whether my kids like me, but then again they're pretty young.
As they get older, I'm sure they will not be happy with my decisions, but research shows over and over that kids feel unloved when you do NOT set limits. It certainly fits with my experiences.
Young children instinctively know that REASONABLE limits are a sign of love and caring; they just get mad because they are not getting their way. It's often the parents who don't know that.
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