Legacy of Divorce
Reading Brett's latest post at DadTalk, I was reminded of my own feelings about the divorce of my parents nearly thirty years ago. Its effects on me continue to this very day. Which is sometimes a good thing, as it makes me acutely aware of my own children's needs. I'm laying a foundation for them to build a future upon. It has to be as solid and stable as I can make it.
The scars of divorce are long-lasting. I still get a sour feeling just thinking about that part of my childhood. I've never received a proper explanation from my father as to why he wanted to knock my foundation out from under me. But I've learned from that too, telling my own kids that I will always be open and honest with them about everything. And I will always be there for them, no matter what.
Sometimes divorce is the only option for quarreling couples, but that still doesn't lessen the damage done to the children. Once a family is "broken" everything possible needs to be done to protect and stabilize what's left of it.
The scars of divorce are long-lasting. I still get a sour feeling just thinking about that part of my childhood. I've never received a proper explanation from my father as to why he wanted to knock my foundation out from under me. But I've learned from that too, telling my own kids that I will always be open and honest with them about everything. And I will always be there for them, no matter what.
Sometimes divorce is the only option for quarreling couples, but that still doesn't lessen the damage done to the children. Once a family is "broken" everything possible needs to be done to protect and stabilize what's left of it.
Permalink posted by Phil at 11:39 PM
5 Comments:
I totally agree with your last paragraph here. My parents were divorced more than 20 years ago, and I still have issues about it.
I'm somewhat amused that the Google ad on your front page right now says "stop your divorce."
I've seen studies that show parents are most likely to divorce when their kids are young because that is when marital stress is at its highest. I wonder how many people quit their marriages simply because they couldn't cope with the basic stress of being a parent?
Family Phil --
You are really embarking on Dr. Phil territory --
Seriously, when a parent decides to divorce for whatever reason it has long lasting effects on the children. I agree.
Those effects can be compounded and exacerbated by a corrupt and ignorant court -- happens everyday.
Be watchful -- DO NOT report supsected child abuse to a local doctor or to a state agency -- especially in Idaho -- because you will be forever tarnished, embarrassed, and they will punish you and make it public and expose those children's name publically.
I know too many profesionals that have hid behind the curtain and refuse to step up to the plate because they did not care about the children ---- they just took the money.
My parents divorced when I was twenty, it was more relieving than anything else for me. My younger siblings, however were affected by the divorce.
Um, there are lots of ways for families to become broken. In lots of cases, the parents who don't divorce when they should leave even more scars.
I'm not a proponent of divorce, by any means. But I do tend to twitch a bit when people start talking about its effects on children as if intact families are exempt from long-lasting psychological damage.
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