Unappreciated
I really should be used to it by now, but somehow I can't shake the feeling of disappointment I feel toward a culture that dismisses parents who choose to stay at home with their children. By doing what is undeniably the best thing for our kids, we open ourselves up to criticism and belittlement. Where is the admiration for stay-at-home moms and dads in our media? Where is the praise from our friends and family? I don't see it. And thank God I don't need it.
I've noted before that my sustenance comes from my kids and my wife. Not a day goes by without a hug or a kind word or a pat on the back from them. So why is everyone else reluctant to recognize the incredibly positive results that come from having one parent at home? Yet they are so quick to admire the careerists who are unwilling to sacrifice a paycheck or promotion for the sake of their children.
If you're a stay-at-home mom or dad, do you feel this way? Unappreciated and undervalued by society at large? Or am I just loopy?
I've noted before that my sustenance comes from my kids and my wife. Not a day goes by without a hug or a kind word or a pat on the back from them. So why is everyone else reluctant to recognize the incredibly positive results that come from having one parent at home? Yet they are so quick to admire the careerists who are unwilling to sacrifice a paycheck or promotion for the sake of their children.
If you're a stay-at-home mom or dad, do you feel this way? Unappreciated and undervalued by society at large? Or am I just loopy?
Permalink posted by Phil at 12:58 PM
9 Comments:
Heck yeah I feel unappreciated. There's no organized activity around this region that recognizes SAHD types enough to invite them to join. SAHM, no problem, plenty of those driving SUVs and living a good life. SAHD, losers, not welcome and looked at with suspicion.
Phil, I've been an admirer of yours for several months through Dave O's blog and visiting your sites regularly. How blessed your children are to have a father who's comfortable in his own skin to step outside of society's norm to create a unique family environment.
The feelings you and other SAHDs experience is no different than what mothers whose career is motherhood face.
I have a suggestion...why don't you contact some of the service organizations such as Rotary, Kiwanis, Soroptomists and offer to be a program speaker.
Your experiences are interesting and the way to facilitate a change in perception is by educating society a few people at a time. I'm sure each of those groups would welcome your children, too. :)
Unappreciated is an understantment. My kids are the only ones that admire/appreciate what I do. My wife considers me an annoyance lately, and my own mother is just waiting for me to screw (with the kids). To most others, Im either a loser that can't get a job, or a novelty (cute, as long as I don't start running in THEIR circles/playgroups.
Shannon
Phil, don't let our sometimes philistine society get to you. Society usually is harsh on those who make huge cultural leaps. When I was in college, vegetarians were picked on because they were seen as weak. They still are, to some degree, but the movement continues to grow and flourish. So it is with Stay at Home Dads.
But let me just say, I know many dads, myself included, who dream of being the stay at home parent. Heck, there are two on my block and I do not live in a progressive neighborhood.
Just be proud of your commitment to your children. In a generation, you and the dads of this time frame will be remembered as heros.
If folks get a little upset because you point out the obvious -being that some families sacrifice their children to daycare for the 6 figure income, that is a given.
I was a stay at home Mom and wife for many years - I was very unappreciated. The common misconception back then was, "Oh she doesn't have to work." Now, I see young mothers with HUGE big diamond rings and wonder why they are working?
I wish you luck in repaving the minds of many that lack placticity.
You should have taken that offer on wife swap! :-)
stebbijo
I'm a newly minted SAHM, formerly a work-outside-of-the-home mom. I do feel a little underappreciated in my current role, just as I felt marginalized and guilt-ridden when I worked.
Sometimes it seems that whatever parenting path one takes, there is an army of nay-sayers marshalled on the other side...
I hate that it is seen as weak, or lazy to be a stay at home Mom, or dad. It is a very difficult, but loving decision. I am proud that I am sacrificing my career, and my goals for the time being to take care of my children and raise them with proper values. I feel blessed that God has provided a way for me to truly put my family and God first. I am only 22, and I have been a Sahm since I was 19. People look at me like how sad, she will never be anyone... I am more than anyone I get to leave a legacy of life for my children, and a strong foundation with God. My kids will get that with me staying at home and I can show them what really matters in life. I am glad I read this today it helped me to feel a little more appreciated.
I thought as the kids got older, they'd need me less (and I'd feel less guilty about working). Unfortunately, the opposite is true. My teenagers require far more supervision (and chauffeuring) than my 8-year-old. I know I'm doing the right thing. I have 10 more years of active parenting ahead of me. Spending time with them is the best investment I can make. I'll be 52 when the last one leaves. With life expectancies as they are, I have plenty of time to focus on a second career, travel, hobbies, etc. The bottom line is that NO one else really cares how your kids turn out. The ages of 11-14 are when kids are at greatest risk for participating in dangerous behavior. Funny, that's exactly the age when many caregivers check out because the kids look so mature. They need us, but don't expect for them or others to appreciate the sacrifice. Not today, anyway.
Definitely not appreciated by society at large, but I know I am by my family (and no doubt you are too). Like you, I stayed home because I wanted to be there for my kids. I taught in day care years ago and knew that I would never be bringing my little baby to be raised by paid strangers. Not only that, but it was never a question for me. Both my husband and I knew that one of us needed to stay home and raise these kids full time and I really wanted it to be me! Not that it's bliss everyday, because God knows it's not. Nothing truly great ever is.
I don't expect pats on the back from society because lets face it, society has got everything backwards. I'm frustrated that parents who keep their children in daycare all week get a tax break. We are contributing far more to our society and world by raising children brought up in intelligent, loving families who will grow up to make this world a much better place. I'm surprised more people don't see the value in that and I feel kind of sorry for them, too. Great blog name, by the way. My husband the fly fisherman will get a kick out of that.
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