A For Effort
A psychology professor at Florida State University has realized that high self-esteem is not the key to success.
"It's been one of the biggest disappointments of my career," said Dr. Roy Baumeister.
New studies show that focusing solely on boosting kids' self-esteem, especially through empty praise and protecting children from failure, can cause more harm than good. We now have an entire generation of young adults who have trouble accepting criticism and fall apart at the slightest setback.
My kids' school teaches the basics, and rewards students for their achievements, not merely the effort. There is a clear distinction between those who participate and those who succeed. My kids know that if they want the rewards they're going to have to do the work to earn them. Sometimes they'll win, sometimes they'll lose. Mostly I just want them to do their best and learn to do better. The self-esteem will come as a result.
"It's been one of the biggest disappointments of my career," said Dr. Roy Baumeister.
New studies show that focusing solely on boosting kids' self-esteem, especially through empty praise and protecting children from failure, can cause more harm than good. We now have an entire generation of young adults who have trouble accepting criticism and fall apart at the slightest setback.
My kids' school teaches the basics, and rewards students for their achievements, not merely the effort. There is a clear distinction between those who participate and those who succeed. My kids know that if they want the rewards they're going to have to do the work to earn them. Sometimes they'll win, sometimes they'll lose. Mostly I just want them to do their best and learn to do better. The self-esteem will come as a result.
Permalink posted by Idaho Dad at 12:21 AM
4 Comments:
Duh! Man, I'm glad that's over. I was afraid my kid would be the only one who didn't think he needed to "win" everything to be happy. I fear for the kids who think they should get a reward for every little thing. How can they suceed when no one cares about what they do? Only time will tell.
Time Magazine just did a big story on this issue. Here's part of the lede:
A sixth-grade teacher in California tells a girl in her class that she needs to work on her reading at home, not just in school. "Her mom came in the next day," the teacher says, "and started yelling at me that I had emotionally upset her child." ...
A teacher at a Tennessee elementary school slips on her kid gloves each morning as she contends with parents who insist, in writing, that their children are never to be reprimanded or even corrected. When she started teaching 31 years ago, she says, "I could make objective observations about my kids without parents getting offended. But now we handle parents a lot more delicately. We handle children a lot more delicately. They feel good about themselves for no reason. We've given them this cotton-candy sense of self with no basis in reality. We don't emphasize what's best for the greater good of society or even the classroom." ...
When our children are born, we study their every eyelash and marvel at the perfection of their toes, and in no time become experts in all that they do. But then the day comes when we are expected to hand them over to a stranger standing at the head of a room full of bright colors and small chairs. Well aware of the difference a great teacher can make--and the damage a bad teacher can do--parents turn over their kids and hope. Please handle with care. Please don't let my children get lost. They're breakable. And precious. Oh, but push them hard and don't let up, and make sure they get into Harvard.
We were already well aware of this trend and have been teaching our son, Seth, how to take constructive criticism.
I wonder how much of this is part of the whole kids as status-symbol culture that we're in. My guess is that these parents fit the overachieving parent profile, middle and upper-middle income parents who feel personally threatened if anyone criticizes -- even with good reason -- or even critiques, their kids, because their kids are yet another kid of status symbol.
'rents need to just mellow out! If kids don't learn how to take criticism, especially if it's constructive, or how to be corrected if they make mistakes, they're in for a mess when they get older, as is our society!
It's part of the "can't-say-no" culture we live in. A lot of parents indulge their children to no end when it comes to food, television or video games. Parents do not need to be control freaks, but for goodness sakes, they have to set limits.
Post a Comment
<< Home